Let’s face it, motherhood can be challenging. When a woman becomes a mother, she goes through a complete biological transformation. Her body changes, her brain changes, and after the birth of her baby she will go through the biggest hormonal change a human can go through. These changes are tough, and in the U.S. the mother will often go through these changes with little to no support.

Facebook mom groups are great places to see how motherhood in our country is going. Things aren’t going so well.

Mothers seem to be taking shortcuts and quickly want to diagnose their children with behavioral disorders. It is common for mothers in Facebook mom groups to ask where they can get their toddler diagnosed for autism or behavioral disorders because their child won’t sit still or misbehaves. It is also common to see questions like, “Am I a bad mother for giving my one-year-old a tablet while I sleep?” or, “How do I wean my two-year-old off of melatonin?” What is disturbing is that other mothers will affirm these practices and tell the mother that she is doing a great job.

It’s easy to judge mothers engaging in such practices, but it’s important that we investigate the root cause. Why are mothers seeking parenting shortcuts and quick to diagnose their children with disorders?

Our culture says that it takes a village to care for a child, but the village is nowhere to be found. New mothers are expected to navigate motherhood on their own. She is also expected to hand off her child to daycare workers so she can return to work just a few weeks after giving birth. Our current culture also tolerates, even encourages, promiscuity, leading to higher rates of children born out of wedlock. This behavior leads to fatherless homes and an increase in single motherhood if the mother decides to keep her baby. Our culture has also accepted instant gratification instead of delayed gratification. If a toddler still isn’t sleeping through the night, give him melatonin; that should fix the “problem.”

It’s no wonder that mothers are desperate to justify their children’s behavior; it’s no wonder that they don’t have patience for their children’s developmental needs. Our culture desperately needs to shift.

Motherhood is sacrificial love. Our babies won’t sleep through the night immediately, and this is natural. Our children aren’t behaviorally ill; they need guidance and direction. We don’t need a study to know that a child needs a mother and father.

These conversations are not easy to have. There is an unspoken rule that we must not question a mother’s parenting decisions and we must always tell mothers they are doing a “great job.” If we are to fix these issues, though, we must be able to have a conversation about them. The intent is not to shame; the intent is to problem solve.

Motherhood in our current culture is challenging, and it is time we openly talk about the challenges while standing firm in truth.