Jeffrey Epstein. Is there any other name less worthy of dominating media headlines for months on end than the late disgraced financier and convicted sex offender? Not only has Epstein become the shiny object of media talkingheads and social media influencers banding about their latest wacky conspiracy theories, but Congress itself has gotten distracted by this old sideshow.

How is spending months wrangling over the so-called “Epstein Files,” the very existence of which is debatable, benefiting the American public? Everyone loves a good drama, but honestly, Hollywood is much better at producing it.

But here we are, the American public subject to the latest “bombshell” dud, as Democrats released Epstein’s birthday book, highlighting the supposed Donald Trump-created racy birthday note. Better get the popcorn.

So, now that everyone has seen the infamous note in question, I have questions.

Is it shaped like a woman or something else? And what about that signature? First reported by The Wall Street Journal weeks ago, not only is the Journal convinced it is authentically Trump’s, but it further asserts its placement was meant to mimic pubic hair. Trump denies the signature, albeit dubiously.

When did the WSJ become a tabloid outlet?

But let’s play along and assume that everything the Journal is reporting is absolutely accurate and true. What does it prove? What does it change?

The short answer is nothing. It is little more than gossip fodder in order to sell more newspapers.

It has already long been established that Trump and Epstein were friendly in the past, and that the two had a falling out long before Epstein was ever convicted of sex trafficking and abuse. Indeed, Trump’s claim that he banned Epstein from Mar-a-Lago back in 2004 after he learned of Epstein’s sexual proclivities and abuse of young women would appear legitimate.

This has been known for a long time. There is nothing new here.

Therefore, what actual difference does this 2003 birthday note make? Are we supposed to believe this is worse than Trump’s infamous hot mic comments to Billy Bush, which he made back in 2005?

The bigger question here is timing: Why did the House Democrats choose to release this now? It serves no practical policy agenda unless the scope of the Democrats’ policy is nothing more than expressing their Trump Derangement Syndrome. Kamala Harris tried this strategy, and it left the Democrats in ruins.

Vice President JD Vance’s response to this faux scandal sums it up well: “The Democrats don’t care about Epstein. They don’t even care about his victims. That’s why they were silent about it for years. The only thing they care about is concocting another fake scandal like Russiagate to smear President Trump with lies. No one is falling for this BS.”

Meanwhile, Trump’s White House has doubled down on denial, as Trump has repeatedly refuted the idea that the birthday note is his, calling it “fake news.” White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt stated in an X post: “The latest piece published by the Wall Street Journal PROVES this entire ‘Birthday Card’ story is false. As I have said all along, it’s very clear President Trump did not draw this picture, and he did not sign it. President Trump’s legal team will continue to aggressively pursue litigation.” She added, “This is FAKE NEWS to perpetuate the Democrat Epstein Hoax!”

Now, a debate is ongoing between lawmakers (and media outlets) weighing in on whether or not they believe the signature is Trump’s. Have we entered clown world? Again, why does this matter? Of course, the Democrats will attempt to use anything and everything to smear Trump. He is literally Hitler, after all. Never mind the fact that they have no other popular winning policy ideas to stand on.

Meanwhile, a number of Republicans have gotten lost in the Epstein conspiracy theory funhouse. Everywhere they look, they see promising new information that will finally expose and bring down the cabal of wealthy, nefarious globalist elites. That is, if they follow that white rabbit long enough.

Case in point is Representative Thomas Massie (R-KY). On the one hand, he dismisses the birthday note as a “distraction” that “doesn’t prove anything,” noting “I don’t think there’s anything in there that implicates Trump.” Yet he then goes down the rabbit hole and states, “But I do think that there are some billionaire donors on the Republican and the Democrat side who are going to be embarrassed.”

The truth is, the biggest scandal surrounding Epstein is that it has become a massive distraction for lawmakers in Washington, DC, keeping them from focusing on their job. With a federal government shutdown looming, how about lawmakers put aside the Epstein fixation and focus on passing a budget?