Jimmy Fallon: “Texas Senator Ted Cruz has invited President Obama to play golf on the U.S.-Mexico border. Cruz thought it was a funny way to point out problems the president hasn’t fixed yet, while Obama said, ‘So are we playing or not?’”

Frank J. Fleming: “My experience from earning minimum wage as a teenager is that people will pay more than that to keep you if you display basic competency.”

Frank J. Fleming: “It’s a good idea to take nude photos of yourself in case you forget what you look like nude and don’t have time to take your clothes off.”

Frank J. Fleming: “I’ve never been a president of the United States before, but aren’t strategies for dealing with America’s enemies like job number one? The president’s press conference cut to black at the end and it’s up to the viewer to decide whether or not he had a strategy.”

Argus Hamilton: “Russian troops invaded southeast Ukraine to seize the land corridor which connects Russia to Crimea below Ukraine. Hope is slipping fast now. Obama went on TV and promised the Ukrainian people if they like their corridor, they get to keep their corridor.”

Argus Hamilton: “The FBI is probing the hacking of Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton and Scarlett Johannsen’s private nude photos. They’d stored the photos on their iPhones. Once they catch the hacker, it should be hilarious watching the U.S. government prosecute somebody for invasion of privacy.