Jonah Goldberg: “The 2011 hit [‘Contagion’] about a runaway virus that kills millions has probably come to mind to more than a few people of late as we watch governments struggle to contain Ebola and reassure the public. So far, real life is much less scary. In the film, a bat virus finds its way into a pig and then into a promiscuous American played by Gwyneth Paltrow, who quickly dies as ‘patient zero’ of a horrifying global pandemic. Ironically, as America’s Ebola patient zero lay dying in a Dallas hospital last week, Paltrow was playing herself at a $15,000-per-plate fundraiser in her Los Angeles home and lavishing praise on the president. ‘You’re so handsome that I can’t speak properly,’ Paltrow gushed. She also said, ‘It would be wonderful if we were able to give this man all of the power that he needs to pass the things that he needs to pass.’ Even without the aid of a pandemic, Paltrow can deliver a sickening performance.”