The Gipper: “I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.”

“Racist” cops: “There needs to be a concerted effort to address the systemic racism in our criminal justice system. And that requires a very clear agenda for retraining police officers, looking at ways to end racial profiling, finding more ways to really bring the disparities that stalk our country into high relief.” —Hillary Clinton

For the record: “[Margaret Sanger] extolled Stalinist Russia’s birth-control policies, and urged after a fact-finding visit there in 1934: ‘We [in America] could well take example from Russia, where there are no legal restrictions, no religious condemnation, and where birth control instruction is part of the regular welfare service of the government.’ That’s exactly where Clinton and modern progressives stand today: they demand that birth control be part of the regular welfare service of the government, and funded by taxpayers regardless of religious objection. If you disagree, the Obama administration will take you all the way to the Supreme Court. Just ask Hobby Lobby, Conestoga Wood Specialties, and the Little Sisters of the Poor.” —Paul Kengor

Ya don’t say… “There should be no bank too big to fail, and no individual too powerful to jail.” —Hillary Clinton

Alpha Jackass: “I think the only people unhappy about [Iran releasing 10 U.S. sailors] are the Republicans for some reason. … If we followed the advice of some of the Republican critics of the administration, we’d probably be in a bloody war with Iran right now over our sailors.” —Josh Earnest with the usual false choice

Even a broken clock is right twice a day: “A great many Muslims around the world are for Sharia law. You know what is in Sharia laws? Cutting off the hands for thievery. Putting women to death for adultery. Killing people for leaving their religion. Women are not equal citizens. These are not criminal activities in Muslim society, these are activities. So the idea that when Syrian refugees come to European countries or to America that they are going to completely fit in is a fantasy.” —Bill Maher

Make theology great again: “I have a great relationship with God. I have a great relationship with the Evangelicals. In fact, nationwide, I’m up by a lot [in the polls]; I’m leading everybody. But I like to be good. I don’t like to have to ask for forgiveness. And I am good. I don’t do a lot of things that are bad. I try to do nothing that is bad. I live a very different life than probably a lot of people would think.” —Donald Trump

And last… “My favorite story about MLK is when he chanted ‘pigs in a blanket fry 'em like bacon’ and then torched an Autozone.” —Twitter satirist @hale_razor