The Gipper: “Our friends in the other party will never forgive us for our success, and are doing everything in their power to rewrite history.”

For the record: “It’s rich seeing Obama attacking me when he just got back from going to a baseball game with the Castros… As the president noted, yes, my father was in prison and tortured in Cuba. So was my aunt. She was imprisoned and tortured by Castro’s goons in Cuba. … Obama and Hillary seemed more mad at me than they are at ISIS, than they are the terrorists who are murdering us.” —Ted Cruz

A broken clock is right twice a day: “[A]s of 2015, the United Nations [Human] Rights Council had issued more official condemnations of Israel than the rest of the world’s nations combined. I wonder now that Europe has been attacked four times, I think, now in a little over a year … [if] maybe Europe will have a little more sympathy for what Israel goes through.” —Bill Maher

Village Idiots: “Everywhere I go, every leader I meet, they ask about what is happening in America. They cannot believe [what Republicans are saying about Muslims]. I think it is fair to say that they’re shocked. … Some of the questions, the way they’re posed to me, it’s clear to me that what’s happening is an embarrassment to our country.” —John Kerry

The BIG Lie: “[T]he greater majority of domestic terrorist attacks are not by Muslims at all. They’re by people like Timothy McVeigh. And so, you know, we got to understand terrorism as a generalized threat, various ideologies that drive it.” —Rep. Keith Ellison

Last-night humor: “The State Department is having to hire more staffers to review all of the requests that are being filed for Hillary Clinton’s emails. Or as Hillary put it, ‘See, I’m creating jobs already. I told you!’” —Jimmy Fallon