Re: The Georgia Special Purpose Grand Jury

“[The media] want so badly to get Trump they can practically taste it. Yet their networks couldn’t resist the opportunity to get an inside scoop about a possible indictment. And they would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that Pinterest wiccan grand jury forewoman. That’s right, [Emily] Kohrs’s personal interests seem to include a fascination with paganism and witchcraft. Maybe Donald Trump has been more right than he ever knew, and an actual witch is hunting for him.” —Nate Jackson

For the Record

“The idea of a national divorce is flatly absurd, frightening, and logically unworkable.” —Peter Heck

Observations

“Over the last several decades, boys and men growing up in the U.S. have been receiving a steady message of negativity regarding masculinity. They are told it is ‘toxic,’ and in order to become ‘good,’ they must effectively feminize. Feminism’s confusing message of demand for both equality and special treatment — combined with its depiction of men as little other than hormone-driven bumbling idiots while at the same time depicting women as perpetual victims of a culture rife with misogyny thanks to a supposed ubiquitous ‘patriarchy’ — has left a lot of men in a state of self-loathing confusion.” —Thomas Gallatin

“Biden’s trip to Kyiv was a surprise visit intended to show steadfast support for Ukraine and its people. However, it was turned into a media spectacle complete with fake air raid sirens and sounds of explosions to help sell the immense bravery of the American president. This dog and pony show fell flat stateside as the American people are still dealing with the fallout of the Ohio train derailment. It has caused many to wonder why our president seems to value the people of other nations above his own.” —Emmy Griffin

Dog and Pony Show, Continued

“The trip that President Biden took to Kyiv … was historic. It was brave. Many of you talked about how we heard the sirens wailing in the background as the president was on the ground.” —White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre

Theater of the Absurd

“I want to take the opportunity to lay out … how diverse the president’s cabinet has been, how diverse the president’s administration has been. The cabinet is a majority of people of color for the first time in history. The cabinet is a majority female for the first time in history. A majority of White House senior staff identify as female. Forty percent of White House senior staff identify as part of racially diverse communities. And a record seven assistants to the presidents [sic] are openly LGBTQ+. So, again, this is something that the president prides himself on, that he actually has taken action to show the diversity of this administration.” —Karine Jean-Pierre

Braying Jennies

“That’s who you voted for in [East Palestine], Donald Trump, who reduces all safety. … They need to look past the photo ops, these people, and say: Who’s doing the job here?” —"The View" co-host Joy Behar

“I think this is Donald Trump’s fault.” —"The View" co-host Sunny Hostin

The BIG Lies

“We’ve been here [East Palestine] from the first hours of the incident as an administration.” —Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg

“One thing [Trump] could do is express support for reversing the deregulation that happened on his watch.” —Pete Buttigieg

“I’m here for the work and not for the politics. … And there’s no question that there have been enormous amounts of … misinformation injected into this situation.” —Pete Buttigieg

“What I tried to do is balance two things: my desire to be involved and engaged and on the ground, which is how I am generally wired to act, and my desire to follow the norm.” —Pete Buttigieg

“I felt strongly about this and could have expressed that sooner.” —Pete Buttigieg

Non Compos Mentis Award

“Sorry, I lost my train of thought.” —Pete Buttigieg

And Last…

“[Buttigieg] is the type of guy who goes into a job interview and says his biggest weakness is perfectionism.” —Jim Treacher