Race Bait

“I think it’s fair to say that something like the Tea Party does not get the traction, does not generate the heat, that it does had it not been for the fact that I … looked like something very foreign to some people and scary.” —Barack Obama

Dumb & Dumber

“What we’ve seen is a Republican Party that has embraced a cultural populism, the kind of populism that we talked about earlier: resentment, anger, you know, exploiting people’s sense that things are rigged. … They still have very much an elitist economic agenda, with a cultural overlay.” —Barack Obama

“What many of the right-wing extremists clearly want to do is shut down the government. They shut down the government under President Clinton. They shut down the government under President Obama. They even shut down the government under President Trump as part of some effort to try to extort the American people for billions of dollars to pay for Trump’s medieval border wall. Shutting down the government is in their DNA because they’re irresponsible individuals. They don’t care about government.” —House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries

Letting the Cat Out of the Bag

“As commander-in-chief I was proud to have ended the ban on transjester Americans — transgender Americans serving in the United States military.” —Joe Biden

Non Compos Mentis

“Don’t make me a dog-faced, lying pony soldier.” —Joe Biden (Too late.)

“You realize that 26 out of every 100 students grades kindergarten through 12 speak Spanish? No, think about it! What in the hell — heck are we talking about here?” —Joe Biden

“God save the Queen, man.” —Joe Biden’s concluding remark at the National Safer Communities gun control confab (As you may recall, the Revolutionary War began when a royal monarch attempted to confiscate guns.)

The BIG Lies

“Put a pistol on a brace, and it … turns into a gun. Makes them where you can have a higher-caliber weapon — a higher-caliber bullet coming out of that gun.” —Joe Biden

“Down in Philadelphia and New York, areas I know well — like up here — you’d see a truck pull up, pull to the curb, and selling weapons — selling guns, selling AR-15. Selling weapons. Well, guess what? You do that now, you go to jail.” —Joe Biden

“So we [Xi Jinping and Biden] traveled … 17-, 18,000 miles together in China and the United States.” —Joe Biden

“Why comparisons of Trump’s actions with the Bidens’ or Clinton’s fall flat.” —Washington Post headline

Village Idiot

“[MSNBC ignored Trump’s speech because] there is a cost to us as a news organization to knowingly broadcast untrue things.” —MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow

Delusions of Grandeur

“I’m a historic figure and I certainly walk in history every day.” —White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre

Spin Doctor

“Bud Light has been targeted by a recent boycott, but consumers might be moving away from the brand anyway amid stagnation for domestic beer in general.” —The Washington Post

For the Record

“The decision to indict a former president and current presidential candidate is inevitably political. It has never been done, despite harsh partisan conflict, before in the 235 years since the United States Constitution was ratified. Not even when former President John Tyler supported the secession of Virginia from the Union and took his seat in the Confederate Congress.” —Michael Barone

“By weaponizing the federal government to legally harass Trump for political purposes, Democrats have opened up the floodgates that will drown us all. For the rest of our lives it’s going to be tit for dirty partisan tat in Washington. Republicans and Democrats will take turns siccing their FBIs and CIAs on each other.” —Michael Reagan

“I wonder how many Americans realize race relations are SIGNIFICANTLY worse now than they were before Barack Obama got elected. And that this an intentional plan by American communists to create more malcontents in pursuit of power.” —Jesse Kelly