Columnist.
Whoever said that youth is wasted on the young was mistaken. After all, it generally takes maturity before one is in a position to fully realize that there is more to life than sex, drugs, booze and really rotten music. What is truly wasted on youth is the vote. Well, that and their parents' money. All you have to do is look at the mob of youngsters attracted to such things as Ron Paul's campaign, the Occupy Wall Street movement, and the Hope & Change election of Barack Obama, to realize that it makes more sense to trust these young louts around heavy machinery than it is anywhere in the political arena. If you doubt me, just watch how these young wretches react whenever Obama promises them a freebie, be it free medical insurance or lower tuitions, to realize that the only significant difference between them and actual prostitutes is that the latter hold out for cash on the barrelhead.
Several centuries ago, Vlad III, the king of Romania, was so notorious for his cruelty that he singlehandedly put his birthplace, Transylvania, on the map and was nicknamed the Impaler for his preferred means of torture and execution. Years later, he served as the model for Bram Stoker's Dracula, thus providing everyone from Bela Lugosi to George Hamilton with a handsome livelihood. In his own way, Barack Obama reminds me of Vlad. For one thing, he is merciless when it comes to his enemies. And he regards anyone who is not a friend, aka a contributor to his war chest, as an enemy. In his latest crackdown on freedom-loving Americans, he pushed through a piece of legislation known as HR 347, which makes it a felony to stage a protest against Obama in any venue where the Secret Service is present. As it only applies to American citizens, I believe that the defrauded hookers would have been free to show up outside the Colombian hotel, carrying placards reading "Secret Service Agents Unfair to Working Girls."
Someone sent me something called the Tyler Cycle. Alexander Tyler, a Scottish historian (1747-1813), allegedly discovered that democratic societies, such as the one that existed in ancient Athens, are doomed to repeat a vicious circle that begins in Bondage, then proceeds through Spiritual Faith, Courage, Liberty, Abundance, Selfishness, Complacency, Apathy and Dependence, before inevitably arriving back at Bondage. Well, it seems that there was a Scottish historian named Alexander Tyler, but like so many of those things on the Internet that are attributed to the likes of Andy Rooney, Al Capone and Robin Williams, Mr. Tyler had no hand in creating the cycle that now bears his name. For the life of me, I do not understand why people insist on putting words in other people's mouths, but, then, I have no idea why the person, who saw to it that my quote about the three female California politicians being reminiscent of the witches in "MacBeth" went viral, decided to identify me as an L.A. Times columnist, which is something I haven't been for 34 years.
I know that those on the Left pride themselves not only on their compassion and on holding the deed to the moral high ground, but also to having brains so enormous that they can barely make it through doorways. Well, it ain't necessarily so. For instance, while speaking at Al Sharpton's National Action Network convention in Washington, D.C., Attorney General Eric Holder said this to his host: "Thank you for your partnership, your friendship and your tireless efforts to speak out for the voiceless, to stand up for the powerless, and to shine a light on the problems we must solve, and the promises we must fulfill."
Recently, I wrote a piece in which I pleaded with Mitt Romney to toss away his copy of the Marquis of Queensbury rules and to stop playing defense in his battle with Obama and his gang of dirty tricksters. We saw what happened to John McCain when he tried to remain above the fray and prohibit his supporters from even mentioning Obama's ties to Jeremiah Wright, Tony Rezko, William Ayers, Valerie Jarrett and Van Jones, and we don't need a repeat of his patty cake campaign.
In spite of what Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and the Obamas, claim, America welcomes people of all races and colors so long as they don't insist that they have anything but the opportunity to succeed coming to them.
My wife hates it when I say I hate something or someone, but she usually gives me a pass when I substitute the word "despise." I suppose it doesn't sound so personal. Also, hatred is said to infect the hater. I don't really feel that way. I think openly hating evildoers is a wonderful release. That way you don't keep the honest emotion bottled up, where the pressure can build up like a can of soda that's been shaken until it finally explodes.
Many years ago, through odd circumstances, I broke up with one young woman who had a parrot only to take up with another young woman who had a parrot. You might assume I worked in an exotic bird store, but it was just one of those coincidences that sometimes happen even to people who don't put much stock in such things.
While I hate to destroy anyone's delusions, I think it is high time that the RNC grew up and faced reality. For openers, if this past primary season has taught us anything, it's that the GOP needs to address its laundry list of mistakes. One, they should do away with caucuses; if a state doesn't wish to stage an actual primary for whatever reason, they should just sit it out. Are you listening, Iowa? Two, let's put an end to open primaries. Why would Republicans want Democrats helping to decide who our nominee is going to be? Do you really think they have our best interests at heart?
A while back, one of my readers, whom we'll call Cosmo, sent me an angry challenge. He wrote: "I watch Fox, I listen to Rush and I read you. I do this because I'm trying to understand conservatives. I see them and you bashing liberal policies, but I don't see any of you coming up with alternative policies." To be totally honest, I never really thought it was my mission to come up with alternative policies. I figured it was enough that I pointed out how awful the policies of this current administration are, and how great a menace Barack Obama, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, our own little axis of evil, pose to America and our allies.
I'm sure I'm not the only person who periodically finds himself wondering if it's all just a dream or if he's found himself starring in one of the more bizarre episodes of "The Twilight Zone." For instance, Bret Baier reported that Joe Biden recently had the following to say about Republicans: "Those guys don't have a sense of the average folks out there. They don't know what it means to be middle class."
First off, I would like to thank all of you who took part in the first annual Prelutsky Survey. I am pleased to report that I received responses from 43 states, plus Puerto Rico. In addition, I heard from France, the Philippines, Canada, Norway, the Virgin Islands and the United Kingdom. Actually, I heard from two readers in the U.K. and three from Canada. The seven states that weren't represented were Alaska, Hawaii, Wyoming, North Dakota, New Hampshire, Kansas and Rhode Island.
One of the nicest things about being a conservative is that you don't have to say really stupid things just to establish your bona fides the way that liberals do. For instance, ever since 1987, when Al Sharpton came to prominence by trashing the NYPD on behalf of teenage liar extraordinaire Tawana Brawley, he has spent a quarter of a century shaking down corporations just like his pal Jesse Jackson, threatening boycotts if he isn't paid the customary 30 pieces of silver; neglecting to pay his income taxes; and inciting violence which, on more than one occasion, has led to black mobs killing New York Jews. But, during a recent appearance on The Factor, Geraldo Rivera insisted that Sharpton is a great civil rights leader.
In a recent article, I wrote about a rogue turkey named Tom who had terrified the liberals on Martha's Vineyard in much the same fashion as outlaw motorcycle gangs were often depicted terrorizing towns and vacationing families in a spate of lousy movies during the 50s and 60s. In the aftermath, I heard from a number of readers who, like Ben Franklin, insisted that turkeys were a very intelligent bird. I wrote back to let them know about my wife's Nebraska uncle who raised turkeys until the day of a huge rainstorm, when the entire flock drowned while staring at the sky with their beaks wide open. I then heard from several hunters who didn't doubt my veracity, but explained that there was a world of difference between wild and domestic turkeys.
Because Barack Obama repeats himself so often, I'm never sure when I see him on TV insisting that his energy policy involves "all-of-the-above" whether I'm watching one of his 2008 campaign speeches or one that he delivered yesterday afternoon. Either way, I know he's lying. The reason that he gets applause from an audience of college students or public sector union members is because these trained seals know that whenever he pauses in the middle of a sentence, it's their cue to begin clapping. These dolts have no idea that "all of the above " theoretically refers to gas, coal, oil, nuclear, solar and wind. If they actually understood that the only two options he favors are the last two, they might stop cheering long enough to wonder why he doesn't just say so, instead of pretending that the other, more realistic options are actually on the table.
Quite honestly, the only people I ever hear from who are dopier than liberals are those who identify themselves as conservatives and insist that Republicans and Democrats are identical. Anyone who would suggest that there is no difference between Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner or Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell, is one very dumb bunny. No difference between the likes of Henry Waxman, Al Franken and Charles Rangel and Darrel Issa, Peter King and Paul Ryan? No difference between Joe Biden and Dick Cheney? No difference between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney? You have to wonder what madcap pharmacist is supplying these alleged conservatives with their stupidity pills.
I can't tell you how many times I've asked myself how it is that so many of my fellow Americans can actually go out and vote for people as ignorant as Patty Murray, Barbara Boxer and Hank Johnson. Rep. Johnson, in case he's slipped your mind, is the Democrat representing Georgia's 4th congressional district, whose claim to fame is that during a House Armed Services Committee hearing, he asked Admiral Robert Willard if he shared the congressman's concern that adding 8,000 servicemen and their families to the 175,000 civilians on the island could cause Guam to tip over and capsize.
A while back, I compared Sarah Palin's voice to bagpipes and nails on a blackboard. Predictably, a number of people leapt to her defense, while one guy of Scottish heritage leapt to the defense of bagpipes. I understand that, thanks to the media's unrelenting attacks on Mrs. Palin, a lot of Republicans resent any criticism of their favorite Alaskan, no matter how benign. But, frankly, I can't believe I am the only one out here who cringes every time she opens her mouth. Frankly, for conservatives, I think Palin's annoyingly nasal voice is our own version of the emperor's new duds.
