Columnist.
Culture Challenge of the Week: Meandering into the New Year In the grocery store near my home, customers typically don't get into conversations with each other. Busy loading groceries on the belt, checking their lists, or keeping little ones from reaching for every candy bar in sight, there's usually no time for casual conversation. But this week, it was different. "So, are you making a New Year's resolution?" The checker's hands scanned the food swiftly as she opened the conversation with one of her regular customers.
In honor of Christmas, I have set aside my normal format for this column in order to ask you a question: Do you believe in miracles? Marie Fiala certainly does. Her family experienced God's power at one of the darkest moments of their lives. Marie, an attorney, and her husband Kris, a business executive, had created a peaceful, happy family life with their two sons and daughter.
Tom is a highly successful physician with social connections that are the envy of even the most ambitious politician. He is unflappable in any circumstance and carries himself with certainty. Yet, bring up the subject of his son, and the light in the eyes of this confident man suddenly disappears. He looks beyond you at some ghost from his past and then speaks with a quiet, broken voice, "My son has very little to do with me." After dark silence, fire quickly consumes his gaze and anger contorts his face, "He doesn't appreciate everything -- or anything -- I've done for him!"
Children know instinctively that "hate" is a bad thing. And they understand that hating a classmate, teacher, or neighbor is nothing like "hating" the broccoli on the dinner plate. Real hate is a deliberate choice: it wishes evil and foments dark, angry feelings towards another person. And ultimately, it extinguishes any light and all love from the hater's heart.
"How do I know if I'm doing everything right?" she asked. "Maybe I do need a pro. I don't want to make any huge mistakes." A new mom, my friend found herself drowning in marketing materials from unsolicited experts of every kind. It started even before her daughter was born, Doulas, childbirth educators, lactation consultants, parenting coaches, home organizers and child experts -- my friend thinks she doesn't stand a chance if she doesn't read/use all of them.
Our culture offers so much, materially, that it's easy for our children -- and for us, too -- to take for granted how much we really have. We stop noticing all that we do have in our endless quest for what we don't have. We forget to consider what our lives would be like without the gifts -- people, talents, possessions, opportunities -- that already have been given to us. The antidote? Gratitude. Researchers have found that people who cultivate the habit of gratitude reap all sorts of benefits, from better health, to greater happiness, to stronger relationships.
My children and I love texting. It's an instantaneous way to keep in touch and share moments that otherwise might be missed. Like parents everywhere, I've taken pains to teach my children to avoid the bad habits of texting, like ignoring the people you're with in order to text someone else, as well as the harmful kinds of texting -- deadly things like texting while driving and immoral things like sexting.
"He's been asking me for weeks to get him a Nintendo DSi for Christmas," Alicia explained. Her son, Alex, is only nine. Christmas is well over a month away but he's been relentlessly pressing for the "must-have" electronic toy that his classmates already own. Money is tight for Alicia's family these days, and the handheld device starts at 149.99. Games are extra, at $35 a pop. Alicia doesn't indulge in expensive clothes, trendy bags, or "must have" purchases-at least for herself. But when it comes to her son, mom-guilt too easily clouds her perspective.
Every Election Day, when my children were small, I would take them with me to the local polling place. The school would close but the gym played host to a steady stream of voters, each rewarded with the red, white, and blue badge of good citizenship: a sticker that said "I voted." Today Americans will enter school gyms in Virginia, firehouses in Ohio, and municipal buildings in California -- and similar venues all across the country--to cast their votes. But something's different this year, not in the layout of polling places or the design of little stickers, but in the hearts and souls of American voters.
Halloween is around the corner, so you're expecting a steady train of ghosts, Hollywood heroes, and princesses to knock on your door. Well, brace yourself. Princesses look different these days. The pre-teen and teenage girls who show up are likely to be wearing trampy costumes that say "s-e-x," rather than "trick or treat." We all know that girls are being sexualized by the culture at younger and younger ages in their daily wear. But Halloween costumes have taken things to a new low, making our little girls into sex objects even midst what is supposed to be an evening of childhood fun. The sad reality is that we live in a pop culture that is obsessed with trying to make our boys and girls think about sex all the time.
While the teachers' loss of control is unacceptable, so too is a classroom environment that makes learning impossible. Certainly, the litigious atmosphere in schools is partly to blame—teachers have few options for dealing with unruly students. (Typical classroom "behavior contracts" offer rewards for good behavior but no consequences for bad behavior.)
We also expect that as our children mature into a teenagers and young adults, that they will be grounded in priorities both deeper and more realistic than wanting to be like the rich and famous. And it's our task as parents, teachers, and family friends to help him get there.
The headlines rightly call the medical research "outrageous and abhorrent," a "horror" perpetrated on vulnerable people. U.S. government experiments in the 1940's (run by the National Institutes of Health) intentionally and secretly infected Guatemalan prisoners, soldiers and the mentally ill with syphilis. It was a wrong-headed attempt to advance medical knowledge for the benefit of many but at great cost to a few.
A recent survey suggests that Americans are more accepting than ever of homosexual "families". Although only about a third of Americans consider homosexual couples with no children to be a family, 68% say homosexual couples with children do indeed make a "family." Does growing acceptance make it right?
"I don't take my children to church," the young woman said. "I'll let them choose for themselves what to believe in, when they're older." Her casual approach to her children's religious involvement will surely affect her children's lives. Even more so, decisions like hers have unintended consequences for our moral culture and political future.
When a diminutive Florida "preacher" threatened to burn a copy of the Koran on the anniversary of 9-11 it had an international impact for one reason: the media fell into his hands as they lavished attention on the little man looking his two minutes of fame.
Nearly every evening, they are there at their neighborhood pool—a father and his nine-year-old son, Michael. The boy’s smile captures attention instantly. You can’t help but be drawn to watch the two of them as they paddle around, dive for rings, and play “Marco Polo.” Michael stands out from the other children in the pool for one reason: He has Down Syndrome.
Last week we headed south to launch our daughter on the next phase of her life: college. It was wonderful to see her eyes twinkling with excitement and expectant hope for the future. We have confidence in her strength of character and strong sense of vales, and know she chose her college for all the right reasons. But we still worked hard to prepare her for the reality that, on most college campuses, the prevailing orthodoxy seeks to challenge and even opposes both Christian values and conservative principles.
The music industry today is huge, racking up over 1.5 billion in sales in the U.S. alone—and kids are their target audience. It’s an industry that’s no longer primarily about music. It’s become another avenue for selling porn and sexualizing younger and younger children in the process.
It’s “Back to School” time again, with sales on school supplies and state tax holidays on clothes and notebooks. But parents may have a lot more to worry about this school year than looking for deals.
