Nation in Shock After Gavin Newsom Murdered on Live TV
Authorities are still searching for three accomplices: Sean Hannity, Ron DeSantis, and a paper map of human poop.
ALPHARETTA, GA — Americans are still reeling this morning after the shocking murder of California Governor Gavin Newsom was captured live on air and broadcast to millions of viewers.
“I’m still shaking,” said one local observer. “He was just there one moment… and in the next moment, he was brutally eviscerated. Torn to pieces. Murdered. I’ll never be able to shake those horrific images from my memory.”
Fox News was roundly criticized for airing the disturbing footage completely uncensored to shocked viewers. “Kids shouldn’t be allowed to see such things,” said one concerned mother whose child walked into the living room while the incident was playing on live television. “My 5-year-old will be scarred for life. He may need counseling. How could Fox News do this?”
Authorities are still searching for three accomplices they say are persons of interest in the cold-blooded slaughter of California’s Governor. Alpharetta’s police chief named the three at-large suspects as Sean Hannity, Ron DeSantis, and a paper map of all the human poop covering San Francisco’s sidewalks.
At publishing time, authorities confirmed the suspects are still on the loose and should be considered extremely dangerous.
From our friends at The Babylon Bee.
Submit a Comment
To comment about this article, use the social media links above to start a conversation, or use the form below to submit a comment to our editors. We receive hundreds of comments and can only select a few to publish in our Tuesday and Thursday "Reader Comments" sections. Keep it civil, thoughtful, and under 500 characters. (What happened to the old comments forum? See FAQ)