I am a papal expert, because I have seen the following three movies over the past two days:

Conclave

Shoes of the Fisherman

The Cardinal

None of us knows what will happen when the conclave convenes next month. I have some favorites, because I would love to see the church return to its more traditional, less “touchy-feely” roots.

I know that many Catholics were brought back to the fold by the manner and methods of Pope Francis, and I acknowledge that he was a good man who clearly read the secular room extremely well, but he also managed to alienate many of us who have filled the pews for decades.

I want a clear message that abortion is evil, a sin, murder, and that’s that.

I want a clear message that we have compassion for everyone regardless of sexual orientation but, no, we don’t bless same-sex unions.

I want a clear message that yes, women are an indispensable strength for the church and it was built on our shoulders as well, but, no, we do not get to be priests simply because the feminists say it’s a thing.

I want a clear message that opening our doors to refugees and immigrants is a fundamental part of our mission and our faith obligation, and that calling people “illegals” is as inhuman as calling them “a clump of cells.”

And I want a clear message that we don’t play favorites with world leaders we like, and make snarky messages about those we don’t.

That’s not too much to ask, is it?

As far as my preferences, there are three people that would make me do cartwheels in the street if elevated to the papacy.

The most obvious one is Cardinal Robert Sarah from Guinea, who has been dubbed the “anti-woke prelate” by Fox News.

I doubt he relishes that title, but there is a great deal of truth in the idea this is a man who represents the more socially conservative branch of the church. He co-authored a book with former Pope Benedict that reiterated the necessity for priestly celibacy. He has stated, quite clearly, that the west has “cut itself off from its Christian roots,” which has angered many who think that he is arguing for a Christian State, when all he is doing is acknowledging the central role that the church has played throughout history. He has also called gender ideology “a Luciferian refusal to receive a sexual nature from God.” And of course, he is strongly anti-abortion.

He is, in short, the perfect pope. And he comes from a part of the world where Christianity is expanding, not receding as it has in the west, which is one of the reasons that he insists on highlighting our Christian roots.

Alas, he is almost 80, and this might make some of the other cardinals wary of electing someone who might have a short and turbulent papacy.

Then there is Pierbattista Pizzaballa, whose name alone makes him a fabulous candidate. Can you imagine a Pope Pizzaballa? It’s Father Guido Sarducci, on steroids. But on a more serious note, Cardinal Pizzaballa, prelate of Jerusalem, has spent the majority of his life in the Middle East, the region in the world where Christians have traditionally been most persecuted would be a brilliant choice. He is 60, can be there for decades, and (allow me a little high five) is Italian. And while he is a softer conservative than Cardinal Sarah, he holds the line on LGBT issues and abortion. He angered some with his push for an end to the war in Gaza, but, um, do we really want a pope who celebrates war? Plus, he’s been a strong critic of Hamas.

Another fantastic choice would be Fridolin Ambongo Besungu, from the Congo, who is very conservative in his politics of the church and on moral teaching and who is from an area in the world where. the church is growing. He is also young and black, which despite the whole “I hate DEI” blather, matters to a growing flock in the Third World.

All three men are like John Paul II in their devotion to defending the faith and who do not mistake ambiguity in moral issues with empathy. We won’t get “who am I to judge” from them. We will not have them ignoring those of us who stayed to gather up those of us who strayed. We will have a Pope for all of us, and one who is able to articulate the core precepts of our faith instead of gently buffering the edges for those who don’t want to hear it.

Now, let me go get my popcorn and settle down to watch The Nun’s Story to deepen my expertise in the female perspective on all of this.

Copyright 2025 Christine Flowers