Obama pardoned two turkeys presented to him by the National Turkey Federation at the annual ceremony at the White House. Their names are Mac and Cheese. After they received their presidential pardon, the turkeys each received a driver’s license and registered Democrat.

Homeland Security’s Jeh Johnson defended Obama’s illegal immigration order before Congress Tuesday. He said that many fewer illegals are walking across the border now. Last year the U.S. began flying illegal aliens to Mexico, and they use their frequent flyer miles to fly back to San Diego.

Tom Hanks lighted the National Christmas Tree with Obama Friday. He’ll alienate liberals by observing Christmas and anger conservatives for standing by Obama. He’s in enough trouble with Michelle Obama for teaching a generation of school children that life is like a box of chocolates.

The Weather Channel aired footage of torrential rainstorms lashing Los Angeles that loosened steep hillsides and propelled huge boulders to roll down onto Pacific Coast Highway. Contrary to popular misperception, Los Angeles has four seasons. They are earthquake, mudslides, verdict and riots.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer opens with a frightened young black man in a Star Wars space uniform looking frantically at the landscape where his spaceship landed. His panic is real. It seems the Gateway Arch is still standing after a thousand years, and St. Louis still makes him nervous.

The Bureau of Labor Statistics says the U.S. unemployment rate fell below six percent last month with the jobless rate down in thirty-four states and payroll up in thirty-eight. However on Monday, the number of non-working Americans rose by five hundred and thirty-five. Congress returned to session.

Obama met civil rights leaders Monday to discuss Ferguson riot grievances. His initial reaction caused panic. When Obama said we’re a nation ruled by laws, the Secret Service agents wrestled him to the ground and demanded to know what he did with the real President Obama.

Democratic House members of the Congressional Black Caucus concluded their speeches on the House floor about the street riots in Ferguson on Monday by raising their arms in the air in the Don’t Shoot gesture. It was a new low. They’ve just been sued for copyright infringement by the French Army.

The U.S. national debt passed eighteen trillion dollars on Tuesday, setting an all-time record. This explains why the U.S. birth rates are so low despite the U.S. pregnancy rate being so high. On the date of their birth, the babies see the amount of money they are going to owe and they refuse to come out.

Black Friday lured hordes of shoppers to retail stores for bargains. It was calm compared to Thanksgiving dinner. At dinner tables across America Thursday, parents, kids, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins were doing just fine for about fifteen minutes and then someone mentioned Obama.

The National Retailers Federation reported huge sales on Thanksgiving Day at all the big retail stores. The procession of shopping days is set in stone. Thanksgiving Day is followed by Black Friday, followed by Small Business Saturday, followed by Online Monday, followed by Identity Theft Tuesday.

House Republicans were reported considering disinviting Obama from giving his State of the Union speech in the House Chamber in January. What a shame. This is the speech where the president opens up by saying the State of the Union is strong, and it’s the biggest laugh he gets all year.

NASA will launch a robot science rover to Mars in six years to speed up NASA proposed manned flight on Mars in twenty years. The proposed manned spaceship must be up to strict government code. If the astronauts press the wrong button on the control panel the entire countdown changes to Spanish.

© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton