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Burt Prelutsky / November 4, 2017

Money Laundering, Clinton Style

It should constitute old news, but because the media colluded to ignore it in real time, it is only now coming out that Hillary Clinton, while serving as our Secretary of State, accepted a $135 million bribe to turn over a fifth of America’s uranium deposits to Russia.

It should constitute old news, but because the media colluded to ignore it in real time it is only now coming out that Hillary Clinton, while serving as our secretary of state, accepted a $135 million bribe to turn over a fifth of America’s uranium deposits to Russia.

Of course, the cash didn’t go directly into her pocket. It never works that way. Instead it was delivered to the Clinton Foundation, an alleged charity that subscribes to the belief that charity starts at home. It also ends there, so far as Bill, Hillary and Chelsea are concerned.

The strongest signal that the uranium deal is as sleazy and traitorous as it seems to be is that the mainstream media ignored it when the scandal first came to light seven years ago, and they continue to dismiss it as a distraction all these years later.

Instead, even after a year of delving into the hoax that Donald Trump colluded with Vladimir Putin to steal the election from Mrs. Clinton, Robert Mueller and the Democrats haven’t come up with even a smidgen of evidence, as Barack Obama would say. But the media, with the exception of talk radio, Fox News and a few of us computer pundits, continues to beat the poor dead horse.

Further proof that the $135 million bribe is the real deal is that the same congressional Democrats who generally scratch and claw for the opportunity to appear on TV refused Tucker Carlson’s open invitation to appear on his show and discuss the matter.

A news item that probably depressed me even more than it did other people is that Random House signed Colin Kaepernick to write a book. Being Colin Kaepernick, it had to give him a million-dollar advance as an inducement. It makes you wonder how much it will now have to pay some poor ink-stained wretch to not only write it but then read it to Kaepernick.

I, on the other hand, have written eight books and have probably cleared less than $20,000. It just goes to show that getting on your knees to pray for a best seller doesn’t work nearly as well as kneeling to display one’s contempt for America.

Speaking of the ex-quarterback of the San Francisco 49ers, someone sent me a picture of two black Marines with the caption “This is a uniform.” Next to it was a picture of Kaepernick and a few of his former teammates taking a knee, with the caption “This is a costume.”

I recently wrote a couple of articles delineating the way that those on the Left have taken over huge segments of our language. Like Humpty Dumpty, who told Alice that words meant whatever he said they meant, leftists have, through political correctness and other subtler methods, debased the language in order to make words mean whatever they decide they should mean.

One of the most annoying habits that people have embraced in recent years, although I see no political motivation behind it, is to say “at this point in time” when they mean “now.” I suspect those who have adopted the phrase believe it makes them sound smarter or more lawyerly or more something. So far as I’m concerned, that “something” is pompous or perhaps pretentious.

There is only one reason to use five words when one little word will suffice. When I first started writing professionally, the year was 1959, I was 19 years old, and I had just been hired to be the movie reviewer for Los Angeles magazine. My pay was half-a-cent-a-word. I used to joke that someone at the magazine was very likely getting paid more to count my words than I was to write them. But I suspect that joke, like most of my jokes, was based on reality.

So if, instead of “now,” I had managed to slip “at this point in time” into a review, it would have added two cents to my monthly check. But that would have been the last time anyone had even the slightest excuse for doing it.

A fellow named Dick Barry sent me an anecdote I had never heard before. It was told originally by Billy Graham to a gathering of his fellow religious leaders.

It seems Albert Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he reached the world’s most famous physicist, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. No ticket. He reached in his trouser pockets. Still no ticket. He checked his briefcase, but couldn’t find the ticket.

Finally, the conductor said, “Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I’m sure you bought a ticket. Don’t worry about it.”

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle, punching tickets. As he prepared to move along to the next car, he turned around and saw Einstein on his hands and knees, still searching for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, “Dr. Einstein, please don’t worry. I know who you are. No problem. You don’t need to show me a ticket. I’m sure you bought one.”

Einstein looked up at him and said: “Young man, I, too, know who I am. What I don’t know is where I’m going.”

At that point, Dr. Graham paused. He then continued: “See the suit I’m wearing? It’s brand new. My children and my grandchildren are telling me I’ve gotten a bit slovenly in my old age. So, I went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one other occasion. This is the suit in which I’ll be buried.

"But when you hear I’m dead, I don’t want you to immediately remember the suit I’m wearing. I want you to remember this: I not only know who I am. I also know where I’m going.”

The moral was that we all should live our lives so that when our ticket is punched, we needn’t worry about where we’re headed.

Someone else passed along one of those things that periodically go viral showing photos with pithy captions.

Here are a few of the better ones:

“The next time a liberal tells you that Trump isn’t acting presidential, show them this.” (Photo of Bill Clinton posing with Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office.)

“People who wonder if the glass is half full or half empty miss the point. The glass is refillable.” (Photo of half-filled wine glass.)

“Spot the difference.” (Two photos: the first showing President Obama bowing to a Saudi prince; the second showing a Saudi prince bowing to President Trump.)

“No mother should fear for her son’s life every time he robs a store.” (Photo of black man holding that sign; possibly, but not necessarily, photoshopped.)

“And there they sat for hours…each waiting for the other to pick up the check.” (Photo of Bernie Sanders and Al Sharpton sitting at a restaurant table, each with his arms crossed.)

“I believe I came from God, and you believe you came from a monkey, and you’ve convinced me you’re right.” (Photo of Dr. Ben Carson giving an address.)

Photo of several large satellite dishes: “Have you ever noticed that all the dishes and telescopes searching for signs of intelligent life are pointed away from Earth?”

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