Burt Prelutsky / May 3, 2021

Solving the Black Problem

What the young lads need are Jewish mothers.

As many of you know, I am constantly trying to analyze the reason that black Americans do the things they do. Why, for instance, do they keep voting for Democrats when it’s Democrats who supported slavery, created and enforced Jim Crow and who keep them living in urban cesspools.

But it’s never enough to just point a finger at a problem, although it’s more than most people and all politicians are willing to do. That’s because it could get a person labeled a racist and bring what might be a promising political career to a grinding, brake-screeching, halt.

So, having looked at the problem from every possible angle, I believe the tragedy for blacks, particularly young black males, isn’t just that only 30% of them are raised with fathers in the home, but that the other 70% are raised by black mothers or black grandmothers.

What the young lads need are Jewish mothers.

No Jewish mother is going to let her son hang around with riffraff. No Jewish mother is going to let her son go play basketball with the guys (riffraff) until he finished his homework. No Jewish mother is going to let her son leave home wearing his baseball cap backwards (gangsta style) and she certainly isn’t going to let him wear his pants below his butt, exposing his underwear.

It would only take a single generation and black men would be married and working as doctors, lawyers, accountants, psychiatrists and show biz agents, and, unless they wanted to break their mother’s heart, be providing her with grandchildren.

Even their names would change. Good-bye, LeRoy, LaToya and names containing apostrophes’ hello, Rebecca, Tiffany and Brandon.

We often dismiss the politicians and bureaucrats as a bunch of crooks. But that’s a generic insult. When you dig down a little, you realize they are guilty of specific crimes.

For instance, the creeps who hover around the Treasury are guilty of theft. They print currency that has no intrinsic value because it isn’t tied to a precious metal such as gold or silver.

They are also pickpockets because the money they are constantly printing causes inflation, which means that, thanks to inflation, the money they run off in the morning is worth even less in the afternoon.

Perhaps even worse are the slugs sitting around the Pentagon polishing their medals (bestowed, no doubt, for neatness and punctuality), waiting for their pensions to kick in so they can resign and go to work for the defense contractors. That is to say, work officially. Unofficially, they’ve been working all along for Boeing, Lockheed Martin and General Dynamics, piling up brownie points, guaranteeing there will be a plush office and a zoftig blonde secretary when they finally get around to putting their uniforms in mothballs.

It does help explain why all Trump or Biden has to say is that he’s withdrawing the troops from Afghanistan than the brass at the Pentagon start running around in circles and screaming that the sky is falling.

Even in retirement, they’re called “General” and revered in certain circles. For my part, I’ll save my respect for the guys we see in the charity commercials missing limbs and their fallen comrades whose names are etched on the Wall in Washington.

Some naïve people thought that if Biden got elected, the upside would be that the riots would stop. They never figured out that the riots have never been about getting a Democrat elected; always about destroying the nation.

That’s why I wasn’t surprised when the thugs in Portland celebrated Derek Chauvin’s conviction by destroying two Starbucks, leaving the other 11,983 intact for the time being, and assaulting a police officer.

Imagine if the verdict had gone the other way.

But it’s not over yet. The storeowners in Minneapolis, Beverly Hills, Chicago, New York and Seattle, might not want to be too quick about taking down the plywood protecting their windows. We may yet hear that the Minnesota or U.S. Supreme Court finds for Chauvin, determining that he was indeed denied a fair trial.

I know that some of you are fans of “The Five,” but I just can’t figure out why.

How is it you can stomach all that phony joviality, especially when you know that at least two are sitting there thinking that Juan Williams is as stupid as a very stupid bag of rocks and four of them are thinking “Gutfeld, you’re 56 years old and that’s about 40 years too late to be pretending to be the wiseacre who crashed his parents’ cocktail party, lounging around with a brewski in your hand, pretending to be the coolest kid in the room.”

In Columbus, Ohio, the police shot and killed a black teenage girl who was trying to stab and perhaps kill a woman.

In reporting the incident, the media ignored the fact that she had a woman up against the garage and was preparing to filet her when the cops showed up and did their duty. Even on Fox, it was described as “a knife fight,” ignoring the fact that 16-year-old Ma'Khia Bryant was the only one who thought to bring a knife. (Where do those apostrophes come from and what do the parents believe they’re conveying?)

As usual, the mayor, in this case a schmoe named Andrew Ginther, declared “We’re all responsible.” I hope that in homes throughout Columbus, reasonable people were muttering “Not me, as—le.”

Although I don’t recall anyone asking her, Valerie Jarrett, Obama’s consigliore, announced: “Police have no right to stop knife fights.”

Would someone with a knife please volunteer to use it on her? Might her last words be: “I was just kidding”?

I know because I hear from them that a lot of parents and, particularly grandparents, worry that their young relatives lack ambition and won’t have any idea, even after four years of college and a degree in Anti-Americanism, how to earn a living.

I’m here to put your minds to rest. It seems the young tykes are responding to want ads on such sites as Tik Tok, inviting kids with drivers’ licenses to help smuggle illegal aliens over the border. What’s more, they’re getting paid off by the drug cartels with hundred-dollar bills.

As they used to say about an earlier generation of entrepreneurs, only in America.

At Grace Church School in New York City ($57,000-a-year tuition), the headmaster, George P. Davison, was recorded by a disgruntled teacher admitting that the school’s curriculum does call for demonizing white people for being born white.

The woke term for such bigotry is Critical Race Theory.

It’s just a high-faulting’ term for simple old-fashioned bigotry, except that instead of targeting blacks, it targets whites for the color of their skin.

If the KKK had insisted they were promoting Critical Race Theory when they came up with separate schools and drinking fountains, it would have made it so much easier for bigoted white academics to defend Jim Crow. Or Jim Eagle, as Joe Biden, is wont to say.

Which leads me to wonder why, if black parents are always sitting down their kids for The Talk, as we’re always being told they are, regarding how to behave if they ever have to deal with racist cops, how is it that time and again they react badly, becoming confrontational and refusing to obey even the most reasonable requests during a traffic stop. Instead, they seem to want to provoke violence.

Is it possible that The Talk includes a proviso that if they are going to act like jerks, they try to grab the cop’s gun so they can get shot, and their grieving parents can, like George Floyd’s, collect a $27 million payoff from the city?

It annoys me that no matter the issue, Mitch McConnell is always the spokesman for the Senate Republicans. I don’t think it’s good for our image. Why not, especially at this time of racial animosity, use Sen. Tim Scott occasionally?

Would it kill the GOP to remind people we have a black senator?

It sure would beat running out an old white millionaire who looks like he spends all his time back in Kentucky clearing his throat and yelling at the kids to get off his damn lawn.

You can email Burt directly at [email protected]

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