The BIG Lie

“I did not and it’s just a bunch of lies.” —President Joe Biden regarding interactions with the Biden Crime Family’s foreign business associates

Requesting Cleanup on Aisle 46

“No, I’m not the only one who can defeat [Trump], but I will defeat him.” —Joe Biden (“If Trump wasn’t running, I’m not sure I’d be running. But we cannot let him win for the sake of the country.” —Joe Biden on Tuesday)

Pot Calling the Kettle Black

“Republicans have to decide if they want a political issue [or] if they want a solution at the border.” —Joe Biden

“I don’t think they want to solve it. I think they want to keep it as a problem without the tools to make it any better.” —Joe Biden

Demagogues

“Extreme MAGA Republicans in Congress will not support the essential assistance to Ukraine unless we follow the most draconian actions possible to keep immigrants out of America, building walls and the like.” —Joe Biden

“Republicans are now holding urgently needed Ukraine funding hostage to a set of completely unrelated … partisan … border demands.” —White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre

Swampthink

“The immigration system has been broken for decades, and our Department of Homeland Security has been underfunded for years and years. And President Biden has addressed both issues with strength from day one.” —DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas

Baghdad Bob

“When the president got into the White House, we all know that the economy was at [sic] a tailspin. … And the president came in and had to fix that because obviously the last administration did not have a comprehensive plan. … The actions that he took … really took effect on the economy in a good way.” —Karine Jean-Pierre

Dumb & Dumber

“A vote for Donald Trump may mean the last election that you ever get to vote in.” —former Congresswoman Liz Cheney (R-WY)

“We are talking about opening up all women and girls to genital examinations when they are underage, potentially just because someone can point to someone and say, ‘I don’t think you are a girl.’” —Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY)

“I know a little something about voter suppression. … My election should not give people the false impression that there’s no voter suppression in Georgia.” —Senator Raphael Warnock (D-GA)

“The Heritage Foundation loves Texas. … They always sending us some nonsense bills that somehow set this country on the wrong trajectory. They send them to Texas. They send them to Florida. Every deplorable state that we can think about they usually coming out of y'all’s think tank.” —Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett (D-TX)

Race Bait

“I don’t think white people worldwide have really reckoned with how much their own personal identity is shaped by constructions of whiteness, and how much that construction of whiteness prevents white people from connecting to humanity.” —Boston University Center for Antiracist Research founder and director Ibram X. Kendi

Belly Laughs of the Day

“There’s nobody on this committee who has been a bigger victim of the weaponization of the intelligence community than me.” —Congressman Eric Swalwell (D-CA)

“I support real solutions at the border.” —Joe Biden

For the Record

“To those concerned with the damage in Gaza: take your complaints to Hamas. Hamas started this war, continues to hold hostages, and built its terror infrastructure in civilian areas. Israel should continue its righteous mission of destroying Hamas.” —Senator Tom Cotton (R-AR)

“Several years ago, some colleges were demanding contracts or ‘affirmative consent agreements’ before students engaged in physical intimacy. Now many leftist students on these same campuses are marching for Hamas!” —Gary Bauer

“Perhaps the FBI should be less worried about pro-life Catholics than it is about hateful and potentially violent Hamas-sympathizing atheists and Muslims who want to harm or kill Jews. Perhaps university presidents should get back to educating students instead of indoctrinating them in hateful and potentially violent Marxist ideology. And perhaps adherents of the Religion of Peace™ could stop threatening, attacking, and killing members of other religions.” —Nate Jackson