Motherhood can be a daunting journey for both new and experienced mothers. Between sleep deprivation, loss of identity, and the feeling of guilt for dropping the baby off at daycare, mothers have a full plate. Not to mention, because the U.S. has an individualistic mindset when it comes to parenting and family, mothers don’t often have a trusted group to ask questions about motherhood or parenting. This is where Facebook mom groups can be helpful. Mothers come together to support each other in motherhood.

At least that is the intention.

Facebook mom groups can also bring out behaviors and thoughts that most mothers would’ve kept to themselves a decade ago. A place that was intended to be supportive can turn into a place full of judgment and envy toward one another. An interesting behavior that comes from Facebook mom groups is self-censorship via trigger warnings.

In most Facebook mom groups, all mothers must be equal. This means that all mothers follow the same safe sleeping guidelines given to us by the American Academy of Pediatrics. No mother deviates from the CDC’s childhood vaccine schedule. Under no circumstances can we question the use of formula feeding. The most important rule is that we never cast shame on a mother’s decisions or experiences no matter what our personal beliefs are.

If a mother dares be different, she must always start her posts with the label “trigger warning” because our post cannot be the cause of another mother’s guilt or shame. A good example of the use of a “trigger warning” comes from Facebook groups created to support nursing mothers.

In nursing Facebook groups, if a mother is successful at nursing her baby or produces more milk than her baby drinks, she cannot post about her successes without using the “trigger warning” label. If she does not use a “trigger warning,” she runs the risk of offending those mothers who are struggling to nurse. She also runs the risk of being shamed for not using the “trigger warning” label. This causes some mothers to self-censor to avoid the risk of being shamed, offending someone, or being kicked out of the group.

Trigger warnings are a symptom of a much larger cultural illness in our country. For so long we have been keeping up with the newest politically correct terms or we refrain from sharing our personal successes so as to not offend someone. We have become a society that accommodates and coddles those who are not willing to put in hard work or discipline to achieve their goals.

As we enter this new year, let’s wave goodbye to trigger warnings. Mothers, be proud of your successes in motherhood. We are not responsible for another’s shortcomings. We are not responsible for another’s feelings of shame or guilt. Motherhood can be challenging at times, and successes should be celebrated.