While America reels in staggering disappointment over the recent U-6 and U-3 jobs numbers, U-2 numbers have remained remarkably consistent over the course of the popular Irish rock group’s entire discography.
When questioned about the unchanging nature of their numbers, band frontman Bono remarked, “_Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses_? Nobody, that’s who. There are no jobs. Well, that’s not entirely true. There’s _One_. Mine.”
The band’s future had been uncertain after the singer had sustained injuries in a particularly nasty bike wreck in _New York_, a _City Of Blinding Lights_ for an aging rocker suffering from glaucoma and _Vertigo_. The blow to his career and the accompanying uncertainty were difficult for Bono, who relied heavily on a _Miracle Drug_ that left him _Numb_. Pulling a tattered photo of President Obama from his guitar case, Bono removed his sunglasses, wiped away a tear with the palm of his hand, and said, “_Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own_.” Cradling the photo against his chest, he whispered, “it’s _All Because Of You_.”
_In A Little While_, upon gathering his composure, he further elucidated, “What I want to see is nobody standing around outside the unemployment office. _No Line On The Horizon_. It’s like everyone is _Running To Stand Still_. And as for me? _I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For_.”
What should the American public do? “_All I Want Is You_ to _Breathe_. _Wake Up Dead Man_. _Get On Your Boots_. _Walk On_. It’s a _Race Against Time_, but it’s not like it’s the _Last Night On Earth_.”
Editor’s Note: While the U-3 and U-6 numbers are disappointing, we must confess that, despite a remarkable consistency, we prefer the U-2 numbers. They’re _Even Better Than The Real Thing_.
