Upright: “If some rich people can line the pockets of politicians to do their bidding at the expense of the rest of us, who’s to blame? I think it’s we, the people, who are to blame for not using our votes to run such politicians out of town — and that’s most of them. But that might be deceitful of us, for we also ask politicians to enable us to live at the expense of others.” —Walter Williams

Braying Jackass: “I want every man out there who’s voting to kind of look inside yourself and ask yourself…how much of it is that we’re just not used to it… [W]hen a guy is ambitious well, that’s okay; but when a woman suddenly does it suddenly you’re all like, well, why is she doing that? [T]here’s a reason why we haven’t had a woman president before…” –Barack Obama lecturing me that its time to “get over the hump” and elect the first female president. (One reason we have not elected a woman is because Obama defeated Clinton in 2008. Another reasons might be that electing “the first black president” didn’t work out so well…)

Braying Jackass 2: “If you’re disrespect the Constitution by threatening to shut down the press when it doesn’t say things you like or threaten to throw your opponent in jail or discriminate against people of different faiths — if you do that before you are elected, then what are you gonna do when you have actual power to do those things?” —Barack Obama slamming Trump for the things Obama has done

Non Compos Mentis: “I’m here vouching for Mrs. Clinton, and I think it’s high time somebody did.” —Libertarian VP nominee Bill Weld

Hell hath frozen over: “Hillary Clinton made her secret email bed and she lied in it. Now she is paying the consequences and it may cost her the White House. She’s the one to blame, not James Comey.” —Piers Morgan

Late-night humor: “Hillary Clinton got quite a scare [Monday night]. I guess a trick-or-treater came to the door dressed as a lie detector.” —Jimmy Fallon