The Gipper: “My fellow Americans, I’m pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.”

For the record: “If … progressives want to know what actual treason looks like, they should consult liberal lion Ted Kennedy, who not only allegedly sent secret messages to the Soviets in the midst of the cold war, he also begged them to intervene in a U.S. presidential election in order to unseat President Ronald Reagan. That’s no exaggeration. According to Soviet documents unearthed in the early 1990’s, Kennedy literally asked the Soviets, avowed enemies of the U.S., to intervene on behalf of the Democratic party in the 1984 elections.” —Sean Davis, March 2015

Upright: “When President Obama accuses President-elect Trump of not taking the Russian threat or our democratic allies seriously, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Russian President Vladimir Putin is a very clever man, but he wasn’t internationally powerful until the United States gave him what he wanted during the Obama administration.” —Anne Pierce in the Washington Examiner

Alpha Jackass: “I think [FBI Director James Comey] should be investigated by the Senate. I think he should be investigated by other agencies of the government, including the security agencies. … You look at the accounts [regarding Russia] we have just in the press the last few days, its stunning — stunning — the conclusions reached by the press. Thank goodness we’ve got them still around… This is not fake news, okay?” —Harry Reid

Non Compos Mentis: “Chicago has a great deal of Dreamers — DACA students. … These are kids who are literally, in my view, honoring their parents’ sacrifice and struggle to come and embrace the American dream.” —Mayor Rahm Emanuel

And last… “The Russians didn’t tell Hillary Clinton to ignore Wisconsin and Michigan. … She ignored states that she shouldn’t have, and Donald Trump was the change agent.” —Reince Priebus