First, swallow your coffee. Now, read this knee-slapper from Barack Obama’s third memoir, A Promised Land. “Without exception, we avoided scandal,” he writes in the latest excerpt making the media rounds. “I’d made clear at the start of my administration that I’d have zero-tolerance for ethical lapses, and people who had a problem with that didn’t join us in the first place.”

Excuse us while we pause to laugh hysterically.

But even Obama humbly acknowledges that his administration wasn’t entirely scandal free. After all, he admits, sometimes women on his team claimed to have been “shouted or cursed over, interrupted, or repeated” by “many” of his male staffers. Still, Mr. Hope ‘n’ Change quickly addressed it: “When I spoke to Rahm [Emanuel] and the other senior men about how their female colleagues were feeling, they were surprised, chastened, and vowed to do better.”

What a steaming pile of bovine excrement.

Obama’s book title deliberately recalls Moses and the Israelites’ journey to the Promised Land, but unlike Moses, Obama sure isn’t “humble, more than all men who were on the face of the earth.” Indeed, we all know that no one loves anyone quite like Obama loves Obama. His self-righteous revisionism notwithstanding, we spent eight long years documenting the numerous scandals perpetrated by Team Obama. Our own Douglas Andrews recently recounted a few, from letting four Americans (including our ambassador) be murdered in Benghazi and then lying about it, to using the IRS to target political opponents, to spying on the campaign of his successor, to… well, you get the idea. The only way Obama can keep up this facade with a straight face, by the way, is that the Leftmedia has always run cover for him by downplaying or avoiding reporting scandals altogether.

The Obama regime wasn’t just a scandalous hive of villainy, either. All Americans are still dealing with the kitchen-table consequences of Obama’s policy lies. We’re thinking specifically of ObamaCare, which, again this year, caused our team’s health insurance premiums to skyrocket by another 30%. “Zero-tolerance for ethical lapses”? How about repeatedly telling the American people that they’d save money under ObamaCare? Even the partisan “fact-checkers” at PolitiFact rated that the “Lie of the Year” in 2013, and if you’re a poor sucker who still believes ObamaCare has been great, well, we have oceanfront property here in Tennessee that we’ll sell you.

In the end, however, what does Obama care about the truth? He sold nearly a million copies of his narcissistic tome in the first 24 hours of its release, and he’s living it up on his own $15 million oceanfront property.