Quick: What did you do to commemorate your 12th wedding anniversary? Twelve years since your baby girl took her first steps? Twelve years since you graduated from boot camp? Twelve years with your current company? Twelve years since 9/11?

That’s what we thought. We ask, though, because Joe Biden and Barack Obama just staged an ObamaCare 12-Year Anniversary event at the White House, replete with all the trappings. Indeed, it was Obama’s first trip back to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue since he left office. And it came off as phony as it sounds.

Not only that: It came across as a cringeworthy diminishment of the current president, who seemed old when Barack Obama tapped him to be his running mate nearly 14 years ago, and who now stammers and shuffles like he belongs in a retirement home. Take a look at this footage from the conclusion of yesterday’s events:

Better yet, get a load of what Robin Williams had to say about Joe Biden back in 2009 (language warning).

This causes us to wonder: Who dreams up a “12-year anniversary,” and why? Answer: Democrats, and desperation.

What we had at the White House yesterday was a naked attempt to resuscitate the moribund presidency of Joe Biden; to infuse some old-time cool into an administration that keeps plumbing new polling depths. Obama fanboy Dana Milbank, he of The Washington Bezos Post, no doubt spoke for millions of distraught Democrats when he somewhat creepily heralded his hero’s return:

Retirement has been good to Barack Obama. The 44th president returned to the White House Tuesday for the first time since he left office five years ago. Fit and vigorous, if a bit grayer and more wrinkly. … America desperately needs Obama in the arena … The 60-year-old former president’s hour in the East Room brought back the memories of his once-in-a-generation talent, and inevitably invited comparisons to his less charismatic and much older successor. Biden still seemed to be playing Obama’s understudy.

Memo to Milbank and his fellow Democrats: It. Won’t. Work.

We say this not because we fear Obama’s presence but because we’ve seen the empirical proof. When it comes to campaigning, Obama has always been a one-trick self-promoting pony. Think about it: During his eight years in office, Obama oversaw a cataclysmic downsizing of the Democrat Party — a net loss of 947 state legislative seats, 63 House seats, 11 senators, and 13 governors.

Call it benign neglect or straight-up selfishness, Barack Obama was a one-man neutron bomb. He wiped out his party’s human assets while keeping its physical assets intact. Apparently, as lefty author Edward-Isaac Dovere wrote last year in his book about the embattled Democrat Party, Obama didn’t want to “taint” his presidency by “mucking about in fundraising.” Dovere went so far as to call Obama “a parasite” with regard to his one-way relationship with the Democrats. That sounds about right.

And on those rare occasions when Obama did campaign on behalf of a fellow Democrat, you could be almost certain of that candidate’s loss on election day. Take Virginia gubernatorial candidate Terry McAuliffe as just the most recent example of Obama’s leaden touch.

As for the flagging fortunes of the Biden presidency, things aren’t made any better by reminding folks of what once was. “Where Obama was loose,” lamented Milbank, “Biden was stiff, standing with hands clasped before him and his lips forming a tight line. ‘Vice President Biden,’ Obama began. Biden stepped forward and saluted. ‘That was a joke,’ Obama felt the need to add.”

What kind of narcissist plays a joke like that on a guy in Joe Biden’s condition?

Barack Obama, that’s who.