It’s the toughest job in journalism: trying to find a new way to say Joe Biden is old, decrepit, demented, cognitively addled, cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, long past his freshness date, two sandwiches short of a picnic, several bricks shy of a full load.

And, indeed, we’re already off to a bad start.

“Biden Taken To Coroner For Annual Physical,” blares the Babylon Bee’s fact-checkable headline, which tees up the following report: “‘The President passed the exam with flying colors. His body is so life-like and well-preserved!’ said a representative from the D.C. Medical Examiner’s Office. ‘With a fresh injection of formaldehyde and some makeup, he looks like he’s still with us! Just look at him — so peaceful. It looks like he’s just sleeping!’”

Good one.

Still, the story of Joe Biden’s annual phony physical — once again given by a sham doctor who deserves to have his medical license yanked — demands some serious coverage because it really isn’t funny. This man is the leader of the Free World, after all, and he’s technically the most powerful man on the planet aside from Xi Jinping.

As the denialists at The Washington Post report:

President Biden remains “a healthy, vigorous, 80-year-old male who is fit to successfully execute duties of the presidency,” his physician wrote in a memo released hours after the president underwent a routine annual physical at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center on Thursday morning.

Um, no.

Geraldo Rivera, Joe Pesci, Harrison Ford, Barry Manilow, Mick Jagger, and Keith Richards (God bless him!) all turn 80 this year, and each of them is an infinitely better example of “a healthy, vigorous, 80-year-old male” than Joe Biden.

Even the Washington Post’s dim-witted Bob Woodward, who turns 80 next month, has it all over Scranton Joe.

Nonetheless, Biden’s longtime physician, Kevin O'Connor, gave him pretty much a clean bill of health after his annual physical. Oh, sure, O'Connor’s five-page memo lists a few minor chronic afflictions, such as nonvalvular atrial fibrillation, hyperlipidemia, gastroesophageal reflux, seasonal allergies, stiffened gait, and “mild sensory peripheral neuropathy of feet,” but nothing even remotely as serious as, say, being non compos mentis.

What’s most disturbing about the lack of transparency surrounding Biden’s mental health is that the White House has never allowed O'Connor to take questions from reporters. The bad doctor wasn’t even allowed to take questions from the press about Biden’s treatment for COVID-19 in July.

“The majority of Americans think Biden is cognitively impaired,” said Congressman Ronny Jackson, who himself was the White House physician to both Barack Obama and Donald Trump before being elected to Congress. “He MUST get a cognitive exam with today’s physical exam, and he must release the FULL RESULTS. We need to know!!”

Dr. Jackson is certainly right about that majority of Americans, and he’s been beating this mental-acuity drum since before Biden got those, ahem, 81 million votes back in 2020. He continued: “We learned NOTHING from Biden’s physical exam. How bad is his cognitive issue? Is he on ANY drugs to treat his mental decline? This exam was a JOKE. COVER UP!!”

Fox News contributor Dr. Marc Siegel noted Biden’s “stiff gait,” saying, “It is sometimes a sign of cognitive problems.” He also noted, “This physical exam is more significant for what it leaves out than what it actually tells us.”

Even Dr. David Scheiner, Barack Obama’s longtime former personal physician, was dubious about what O'Connor’s exam revealed. “You’re not going to learn anything,” he said. “They sugarcoat these things.”

“It worries me that he is aging,” Scheiner continued. “If I look at him, he’s not a young 80.” You’re telling us.

But hey, we long ago pinpointed the doctor who’s really responsible for this mess: “Dr.” Jill Biden.

We’ll close by noting that, contrary to The Bee’s otherwise spot-on “reporting,” there’s no truth to the rumor that Joe Biden’s staffers now refer to the White House as “his final resting place.”

At least not yet.