May 28, 2011

From The Comedy Store

The TSA ran a fake bomb through the Minneapolis Airport security checkpoint in a drill. The screener found the bomb and notified the police, who didn’t know it was just a drill so they shut down the airport. Now that bin Laden is dead we have to be our own enemy.

President Obama addressed a party fundraiser in New York where he promised Democrats he’ll get immigration reform passed. He spoke at length about how immigration is good for the United States. Maria Shriver has been granted equal time to deliver the rebuttal.

The Washington Post reported the CIA had Osama bin Laden under surveillance for months from a safe house across the street. It was very tightly timed and organized. The raid’s launch was triggered automatically once the president’s approval rating hit forty percent.

The TSA ran a fake bomb through the Minneapolis Airport security checkpoint in a drill. The screener found the bomb and notified the police, who didn’t know it was just a drill so they shut down the airport. Now that bin Laden is dead we have to be our own enemy.

California reported twelve percent unemployment sparking White House concern for Obama’s re-election. It’s seen as a failure of his stimulus package. He said it’d produce thousands of shovel-ready jobs for California but Hugh Hefner and Larry King just refuse to die.

Lance Armstrong got hit by more steroid charges as fellow Tour de France cyclists spoke to CBS News. He won many times and his race times improved. Lance is in big trouble because a man doesn’t get more able to pedal over the Alps as he gets older.

Mexico’s Tourism Ministry announced an uptick in American tourism in Mexico this year. It’s no secret why. American tourists can watch re-enactments of Old West gun fights at Frontier City in Oklahoma City, but in Tijuana you can see the real thing every day.

Toyota asked for patience Monday as lines lengthened at Toyota dealerships to buy their hybrid cars. It’s the safest car on the road now. The car’s tendency to accelerate suddenly at any given moment has made many Americans too scared to text while driving.

Baltimore Ravens star Ray Lewis warned Tuesday that a crime wave will result if the NFL season is canceled. The statement was probably league-approved. The NFL pretty much has to threaten public safety in order to compete with tornado season for today’s advertising dollar.

The Australia Tourist Bureau reported a record number of Californians visiting Australia this year along with a huge number of Australians who visited California. We share a special kinship. Australia started out as a prison colony while California has evolved into one.

President Obama left Ireland for Britain a day early Tuesday due to volcanic ash in the air arriving from Iceland. However the president did get to meet some distant relatives on the Emerald Isle. Conservatives are convinced he had a secret visit with his Irish aunt Sheree O'Law.

President Obama visited Westminster Abbey on and signed his name to the guest book and added a salutation, but he signed 2008 by his signature. It was an honest mistake. The Teleprompter’s copyright date was listed just below the words Best Wishes, Barack Obama.

President Obama hailed the Special Relationship in a speech to Parliament Wednesday. It goes way back. When Germany bombed London seventy years ago the U.S. offered to take in the Royal Family, and this week Britain offered to keep the Obamas until tornado season is over.

Oakland pastor Harold Camping said Tuesday he miscalculated Saturday’s date as the day of the Apocalypse and is reformulating the new date. He’s on the practice range working on his short game. Last night on his radio show he predicted the end of the week will fall on Friday.

© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton

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