Boston mobster Whitey Bulger told feds he went to Tijuana with a fake ID to buy heart medicine while in hiding. They don’t require prescriptions. Mexico said it’s just another example of Americans sneaking into their country to take advantage of their health care system.

The White House let out thirty million barrels of oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to try to drive down gas prices before the election. President Obama is trying everything he can to boost his approval ratings. If this doesn’t work, he is going get another dog and another child.

House Republican leaders walked out of budget talks when Democrats insisted on tax increases to go with GOP budget cuts. The back-and-forth got very bitter. At one point in the negotiations, they began making obnoxious noises during each other’s backswings.

Congress voted by an overwhelming margin not to authorize the military mission in Libya, but the lawmakers refused to cut off funding for the mission. Congress approaches war the way Amish people go hunting. They sneak up behind a deer, then they build a barn around it.

President Obama had an embarrassing number of no-shows at his fundraising dinner for Wall Street executives. The president is sinking in the polls. He’s so unpopular that even Kenyans are saying he was born in the United States.

President Obama was in Pennsylvania to visit the National Robotics Engineering Center, where scientists pursue innovations. The president saw robots that can defuse bombs, scrape paint and mow lawns. That’s three more good jobs that are never coming back in this economy.

The FDA ordered cigarette manufacturers to display photos of throat cancer sufferers on every pack of cigarettes. Bar owners applauded the decision. The photographs are so awful and jarring that even people who have never smoked a cigarette need a drink after looking at them.

The Auto Club said gas prices fell below four dollars a gallon on in the first good news of the year for the economy. Things need to turn around fast. In March twenty percent of all college students went to Mexico for Spring break while the rest of them went there for a new life.

Mexican troops crossed the border into the United States in three military transport trucks. It was a useful training exercise. The Mexican Army learned they’ll meet no armed resistance at the U.S. border as long as they have a lawnmower on the back of every personnel carrier.

Mexico’s soccer team beat the U.S. team in the Rose Bowl. The fans all booed the U.S. and cheered Mexico. Back when experts said soccer would someday be the most popular sport in America nobody thought it’d be because a majority of people in America were not Americans.

Russian convicted a Russian double agent in absentia who told the CIA of the ten Russian spies disguised as New York suburbanites last year. We traded the ten spies to Russia for four U.S. spies they had. The U.S. can’t even effect a spy swap without running up a sixty percent deficit.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo signed a bill into law allowing same-sex marriages in New York, just an hour after it passed the Assembly. Thousands of men rallied in Times Square, hugging and kissing and high-fiving each other. They were divorce lawyers.

Michele Bachmann apologized to Iowans for saying John Wayne was from Waterloo when it was serial killer John Wayne Gacy. There’s a huge difference. One man killed thirty-three boys and was executed and the other shot a million Indians and had an airport named after him.

© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton