President Obama went on TV Tuesday to announce that the debt ceiling bill was passed in the Senate before the deadline. It was a heroic moment. Millions of Americans without jobs or money or a way to pay their bills are thrilled that an economic catastrophe has been averted.

CBS sportscaster Pat O'Brien will host the Epic Poker League this fall starring the world’s best poker players. It hopes to raise poker to the level of Major League Baseball, the NFL and the NBA. If the ratings aren’t good the players will be pressured to take steroids to get better cards.

President Obama was asked by Democrats to raise the debt ceiling using his power under the Fourteenth Amendment. That’s odd. The amendment says that anyone born in the U.S. is a U.S. citizen but why would Democrats, of all people, want to bring up the birth certificate issue?

The Weather Channel said La Nina has burned up the Midwest and soaked the West Coast this summer producing no tropical storms until last Friday. No one’s ever seen this pattern. It’s been six weeks since summer started and Brett Favre still hasn’t come out of retirement yet.

Seattle Mariners owner Paul Allen celebrated after his team won after they had lost seventeen games in a row. He’s the co-founder of Microsoft. To break the losing streak he turned the team off for five minutes and then he turned it back on and that fixed the problem.

Cowboys and Aliens starring Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford opened up in movie theaters Friday amid huge publicity. In the movie, cowboys open fire on invading aliens. Arizonans walked out of the theater when they realized that it’s a science fiction movie, not a documentary.

The U.S. Border Patrol allowed one hundred and thirty-three Mexican soldiers to return to Mexico after they accidentally crossed the border into the U.S. That’s how bad the economy is today. For the first time in history Mexicans are crossing the U.S. border accidentally.

Mexican workers began returning home Monday after Mexico announced its four percent unemployment rate. It looks like the U.S. and Mexico are playing ping-pong with two million farm workers. It may have been a big mistake to replace that border fence with a three-inch net.

The Weather Channel reported Monday that Washington D.C. has suffered its hottest week in years. The weather caused a lot of bickering and short tempers on Capitol Hill. Democrats tried to get the mercury up to one hundred and five and the Tea Party demanded it stay under ninety.

The White House and Congress agreed to require a blue-ribbon panel of U.S. lawmakers to offer deeper budget cuts by Thanksgiving or be forced to cut Medicare. They’re holding Medicare hostage. Democrats are so angry Jimmy Carter just compared President Obama to Jimmy Carter.

Joe Biden worked out a debt ceiling deal with House and Senate leaders as the Republicans declared victory, Democrats declared victory and the White House declared victory. Wall Street was suspicious. They know that when everybody gets a trophy it’s socialism.

The Census Bureau said a million and a half people have left the state of New York in the last ten years to live elsewhere. They’re leaving for Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina. They are attracted by warmer weather, lower taxes, and the prospect of secession.

The White House launched a pilot program which gives welfare recipients in Pennsylvania free cell phone service paid for by telecom companies. They said a cell phone is a civil right. It’s right there in the text of Dr. Martin Luther King’s I Have to Take This speech.

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