From The Comedy Store
President Obama went on TV Monday to back the credit of the United States. He said he doesn’t care what anyone says, America will always be a AAA country. That makes Obama the first president ever to tell the nation that we’ll never be called up to the Majors.
Shark Week premiered on the Discovery Channel last week, showing riveting footage of the Great Whites in the deep. It’s an annual event. President Obama recorded a video in which he sent his respects to the shark community on this holiest week of the year on the shark calendar.
The White House alarm sounded when a man leaped over the fence. The jumper broke a security beam when he went over the fence. After a two-minute chase the Secret Service agents caught President Obama and talked him into coming back and finishing his term.
The White House had a party celebrating President Obama’s birthday while the stock market crashed and long-term unemployment numbers mounted. The president was satisfied. His birthday’s not even a national holiday yet and already nobody’s working on it.
Paris was named the favorite city in the world for extramarital affairs in an online poll of adulterers. You can’t beat the city for its forgiving lifestyle and discreet hotel staffs. There’s a reason U.S. presidents sent troops to liberate Paris twice in the last one hundred years.
President Obama demanded cooperation from Republicans in rebuilding the U.S. economy. Last week all the leading economists said we needed to raise the debt ceiling or the stock market would crash. Well they were half right, which is better than they usually do.
Senator John Kerry declared that the news media has an obligation to stop giving airtime to Tea Party representatives. We’ve learned one thing this year. In Washington the impulse to censor is second only to the impulse to post naked pictures of yourself on Facebook.
President Obama went on TV Monday to back the credit of the United States. He said he doesn’t care what anyone says, America will always be a AAA country. That makes Obama the first president ever to tell the nation that we’ll never be called up to the Majors.
Martha’s Vineyard firemen put out a fire in the vacation home where Barack Obama will stay later this month. The island lost its volunteer fire department. They used to respond to burning houses in the summer by having Teddy Kennedy take them for a drive.
Colorado residents petitioned the U.S. Board on Geographic Names Thursday to name a mountain top in Colorado after John Denver. It set off a chain reaction. The next day Wall Street brokers asked NASA if they could name a meteor crater after President Obama.
President Obama went on TV during Wall Street’s sell-off Monday to calm a panicky stock market. Then he called for tax hikes and the market plunged three hundred points while he spoke. Community activists simply don’t have any training in how to be soothing.
Wall Street bounced back Tuesday, easing fears of a deeper crash following Monday’s dive. Last week America lost its AAA status. That means if the economy gets a flat tire it’ll have to sit on the side of the road until the president learns how to jack up an economy.
The U.S. World Series of Surfing was interrupted at Huntington Beach when Mexican cocaine smugglers landed ashore during the competition. Their arrest was swift. Police moved in after the boat blew a horn letting surfing fans know the catering truck was here.
North London broke out in fiery racial street protests after a policeman shot and killed a cab driver. The burning swiftly turned to looting. Officials are worried that the incident could end the policemen exchange program between London and Los Angeles.
© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
