From The Comedy Store
President Obama arrived in Iowa in a brand-new massive armored presidential bus he rode around in Iowa Tuesday. It’s a political tactic. He’s so determined to make the Republicans spend more money on infrastructure he is weakening the bridges personally.
The Lundberg Survey said that falling oil prices could lead to three-dollar-a-gallon gas by this fall. That’s good news for all the people who will be sleeping in their cars and SUVs. They’ll be able to afford to move every three hours so they don’t get a parking ticket.
New York cops saved a man about to leap sixty stories off the roof of Rockefeller Center. A cop climbed onto the ledge and convinced him not to jump. The White House just hired the cop as a speechwriter to do all of the president’s economic statements.
The White House gave CIA access to a friendly Hollywood producer making a movie on the Osama bin Laden kill. The film will make the president look like a super hero. Still, it’s not going to get Obama re-elected to star in a movie called Captain United Nations.
President Obama told a Ramadan dinner that Islam has always been a part of the American family. He pointed out that Muslims also died in the World Trade Center attack. Of course, if they hadn’t brought box cutters on the plane they would be alive today.
President Obama took his campaign volunteers out to lunch in Chicago. He loves getting out. He left the waitress a thirty-five percent tip, fifteen percent for the table service and twenty percent not to tell Michelle about the double order of onion rings.
Mexico’s government reported the number of people leaving Mexico for the U.S. is down to practically zero. There are no jobs for them. President Obama will go down in history as the man who solved the illegal immigration problem without building a fence.
President Obama flew to Minnesota Monday where he began a three-day bus tour of the heartland on two new buses. The Secret Service received special training for the Midwestern bus tour. They have to learn how to change a tire now that we’ve lost our AAA.
GOP candidate Michele Bachmann won the Iowa straw poll Saturday, edging Ron Paul in the day-long election at the Iowa fairgrounds. It’s a leisurely event. The straw poll allows people to pick the next president or buy an ice cream cone, whichever line’s shorter.
Texas Governor Rick Perry announced his candidacy for president Saturday in South Carolina. He’s a fervent evangelical Christian. The Democrats are already demanding to know why, if he loves Jesus so much, is he trying to kick him out of the White House.
India got a congratulatory note from the United States on the sixty-fifth anniversary of independence from Britain. It’s been a struggle. The country’s been torn by racial divisions and religious strife and civil war since British troops left, and so has India.
The L.A. City Council approved a financing plan for an NFL stadium with a retractable roof. That’s in case of rain. There’s a serious risk of electrocution if seventy thousand Californians are talking on their cellphones at the same time, and that could ruin their hair.
President Obama was confronted at an Iowa town hall by an angry voter who wasn’t invited to the event. The president was furious at the security breach. The metal detector at the door is supposed to be sensitive enough to pick up the staple in the tea bag.
President Obama arrived in Iowa in a brand-new massive armored presidential bus he rode around in Iowa Tuesday. It’s a political tactic. He’s so determined to make the Republicans spend more money on infrastructure he is weakening the bridges personally.
© Copyright 2011 Argus Hamilton
