From The Comedy Store
The White House set up an Internet site called Attack Watch asking people to report all criticisms of President Obama. They want to know every nasty remark. The next day the servers crashed from all the traffic, and that was just from the Democrats in New York.
Texas Governor Rick Perry decided to make Social Security a campaign issue during last week’s debate by describing the Social Security system as one big Ponzi scheme. That is not true at all. People don’t go to jail if they refuse to pay into a Ponzi scheme.
Southern California had a power outage, knocking out electricity from San Diego to Orange County. People couldn’t watch President Obama’s speech. They had to improvise by standing up in the living room and denouncing each other as obstructionists.
President Obama appeared in the Rose Garden with police, firefighters, teachers and nurses. He urged Congress to pass his jobs bill. Last Thursday he gave an impassioned speech proposing a jobs bill and afterwards everybody agreed it was a great football game.
President Obama spoke to Congress and demanded they pass his jobs bill, which would build public projects by raising taxes on the wealthy. It didn’t get very good reviews. After the speech he was flagged fifteen yards for interference with an NFL opener.
The Washington Post slammed GOP senators for laughing during President Obama’s jobs speech to Congress. The senators weren’t insulting him at all. It’s a tribute to Barack Obama’s comedy timing that they’re still laughing at jokes they’ve heard so often.
President Obama proposed a four hundred and fifty billion dollar jobs bill, which would be financed by higher taxes. He vowed more speeches on it. The president got up and showered and shaved this morning because later in the day he’s going to address a joint session of Congress to announce that he got up, showered and shaved this morning.
The Dallas Cowboys and New York Jets Sunday drew NBC’s highest Sunday ratings in history. People want to enjoy football while they can. The president’s new jobs bill may tax teams that score over two touchdowns per half to help make the game more equal.
Wall Street fell three percent after President Obama’s Thursday speech and fell two hundred points after Monday’s speech. This is a problem. Fox News could be charged with insider trading just for revealing the time and date of President Obama’s next speech.
Switzerland was rated the world’s top competitive economy by the World Economic Forum survey. It measures a nation’s technological competence and its labor force effectiveness. The U.S. would have won but India and Mexico demanded screen credit.
The FBI raided the bankrupt Solyndra solar plant in California after it got half a billion in federal green energy loans. They’re an innovator in green energy. Someone finally invented a way to light homes by burning cash without involving a second mortgage.
The White House set up an Internet site called Attack Watch asking people to report all criticisms of President Obama. They want to know every nasty remark. The next day the servers crashed from all the traffic, and that was just from the Democrats in New York.
Bill Clinton will be honored at a Hollywood Bowl concert in October that will feature Bono and Lady Gaga. The show will salute the president for his charity work. He fed the comedians so well that we have enough body fat reserved to survive the Obama years.
President Obama’s presidential re-election campaign sent out an e-mail Wednesday in the teeth of his low approval numbers. It asks supporters to donate five dollars to enter a raffle that offers dinner with him as first prize. Second prize is dinner and a speech.
© Copyright 2011 Argus Hamilton
