With RFK Jr.'s artificial dye ban being pushed into effect as soon as possible, corporations were sent scrambling to bring their products into compliance, resulting in a slew of new food items that will be hitting store shelves near you.
The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of artificial dye-free food products you'll be seeing soon:
- Taupe Charms: Taupe hearts! Taupe stars! Taupe moons! Taupe clovers! Taupe diamonds! Taupe horseshoes!
- Grayburst fruit chews: Taste the grayscale!
- Mountain Dew Code Beige: Closing your eyes while you drink it will make it more palatable.
- Swedish Fish: No change — the majestic Swedish Fish gets its red color from thousands of years of adaptation while migrating across the icy Scandinavian waterways.
- Crystal Pepsi: Back by popular(?) demand!
- Ambiguously colored velvet cake: The favorite dessert of dozens of people, now even less appealing.
- "Oops! All Browns!" M&Ms: Expect far less diversity among your candy-coated chocolates.
- Dour Patch Kids: Though far less colorful, they'll still do a great job of rotting your teeth.
- Drank: This beloved opioid concoction will be just as potent, even without the purple.
All the flavors you know and love, only far less vibrant and cancer-causing.
From our friends at The Babylon Bee.
