WILMINGTON, DE — As part of a wide-ranging sit-down interview released on YouTube, Hunter Biden warned Americans that, without illegal immigrants, the price of crack cocaine and prostitutes would skyrocket.

In an urgent plea to the American people, Biden told the public that President Donald Trump’s hardline immigration policies threatened not only to affect various industries across the country but also drive the cost of hard drugs and sex slaves through the roof.

“These essential products will become totally unaffordable to the average American,” Biden said. “I think the people of this country need to realize what’s at stake here. This isn’t just about immigration. Who do you think cleans your hotel rooms? Who cuts your grass? Who picks the crops that put food on your table? Who smuggles in the crack that gives you a good time on the weekends? These are real questions, man, and they’re not solved by rounding up hardworking drug runners and shipping them out of the country.”

Biden confided that, in addition to worrying about what is happening to immigrant families being separated due to deportations, he was concerned about the going rate of his crack. “It’s messing everything up, bro,” he explained. “I used to be able to pick up a couple of Ukrainian hookers and a bag of Ready Rock that would last all weekend. Now? My regular hits of Casper the Ghost are costing me three times as much, and it’s still climbing. What Trump’s doing to this country isn’t right, man.”

At publishing time, Biden had also sounded the alarm that the Trump administration’s trade tariffs would likely cause a massive increase in the cost of importing high-end Eastern European escorts.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.