CARACAS — A young employee’s burgeoning career took a massive step forward this week, as a junior cartel member was excited to find out that he was already getting an opportunity to drive the boat.

Luis Delgado, who had only been hired by the cartel two months ago, was notified by his supervisors that he had been promoted to boat driver for the upcoming shipment of narcotics to the United States.

“This is the most amazing day of my life!” Delgado said after hearing the news. “I knew joining the cartel gave me a career with a lot of potential and room for growth, but I never imagined that I would be moving up the ladder so quickly. My boss, Javier ‘El Burro’ Marquez, told me that this promotion could really be explosive for my future. If I do a good job and things go well, things could really blow up for me.”

The Venezuelan cartel had experienced a spike in turnover in recent weeks, with sources saying the organization was struggling to fill boat positions quickly enough to keep operations running smoothly. “We need more men,” one insider said. “It can be so hard to find good help these days. At least help that will survive more than one or two trips. It’s a good opportunity for these young guys to step up and draw some fire — er, I mean, show us what they can do.”

At publishing time, witnesses said they had seen large flashes of light and heard loud booms from the direction where Delgado had driven his boat, leading them to assume he was setting off fireworks to celebrate his new job.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee