U.S. — After defeating Canada at the only thing it was supposedly good at, the entire territory of Canada has been officially declared an American province.
"And to be clear, you're just a province. Being a state is for winners," announced President Trump. "We took you over and all we lost were a few teeth. This is so embarrassing for you."
At publishing time, Canada had admitted defeat and euthanized the national hockey team.
From our friends at [The Babylon Bee](https://babylonbee.com/news/canada-now-officially-an-american-province).
