WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of ongoing ceasefire negotiations with Iran to bring the weeks-long conflict to a close, U.S. President Donald Trump announced that the Strait of Hormuz had been officially renamed as the “Donald J. Trump Straight of America.”

The strait remained under military blockade as tense negotiations continued, with Trump publicly declaring that the U.S. had taken control of the waterway and christened it with a new title named after his two favorite things — himself and America.

“It is now the greatest strait of all time,” Trump said in a post to Truth Social. “Other straits all wished they could be the Strait of America, but there is only one. To the victor belong the spoils, and America is the victor, believe me. Effective immediately, all ships entering and exiting the Donald J. Trump Strait of America will pay a toll to the United States. These toll payments will be used to fund the construction of a large gold and marble sign displaying the strait’s new name. Thank you for your attention to this matter!”

White House sources confirmed that the president had demanded the renaming of the strait as a condition of a ceasefire agreement. “This was his top priority in the peace talks,” said one insider. “Before negotiations started, the president told JD Vance, ‘Make sure you get the name.’ The finer points of a permanent ceasefire still have to be hammered out, but the president is very pleased with the new name.”

At publishing time, the White House had confirmed that President Trump planned to build a golf course along the coast of the strait.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.