LOS ANGELES, CA — With several World Cup matches scheduled to be played at SoFi Stadium, Los Angeles officials warned FIFA that it could take several weeks to tally up the goals for each match.

With winners from each World Cup group scheduled to advance to knockout rounds the following week, officials reportedly informed FIFA to expect delays of up to a month in order to allow sufficient time for counting all the goals.

“There are literally ninety minutes of scores to tally. This kind of thing doesn’t happen overnight,” said Mayor Karen Bass. “Plus, they could add extra time where more goals might be added. We have to account for both goals on each side of the field. We may not be prepared to declare a winner until August.”

Hoping for an expedited process, FIFA attempted to explain to Los Angeles officials that they typically will only have to count to three, perhaps five at most. “I have to believe that the city of L.A. can count to three in less than 24 hours,” said FIFA official Jean-Marc Etienne. “One, two, three. See, I just did it. There could even be zero goals in a match, and then you don’t have to count at all. Can’t we speed this up just a bit?”

At publishing time, Mayor Bass had warned that a scoreless tie would require repeated recounts until there was a winner.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.