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June 12, 2026

Elon Musk Confirms He Will Soon Have Enough Money to Become Batman

“I will be the hero Austin deserves, but not the one it needs right now.”

AUSTIN, TX — As the richest man in the world approaches a net worth of $1 trillion, Musk confirmed that he would soon have enough money to officially become the Batman.

“A day is coming soon where I will be able to say, ‘I’m Batman,’ and it’s going to be amazing,” Musk said during a Tesla shareholders meeting. “I will be the hero Austin deserves, but not the one it needs right now. It will be pretty cool.”

Musk confirmed he was actively training in various forms of martial arts and interviewing potential sidekicks while he waited for his wealth to grow to appropriate Batman levels.

“I’ve got a cape already. It’s a cool cape. Very black,” Musk said. “But I need all the gadgets. People don’t realize most of Batman’s money goes into the gadgets. While Bruce Wayne is always referred to as a billionaire, being Batman in real life requires far more financial resources than a few billion dollars. I will soon have that covered.”

Elon Musk has consistently ranked at the top of Forbes magazine’s annual “Richest Men Most Likely To Become Batman” list, just ahead of actor Daniel Radcliffe and Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.

“I am happy as a normal human can be for Elon,” Zuckerberg relates to the press amid his standard series of beeps and boops. “I must now settle for being Iron Man or some other inferior rich superhero.”

Investors expressed concern that Musk’s ambitions to become the Caped Crusader would interfere with his myriad businesses. Musk was able to assuage their fears, however, by pointing out that Batman is a secret identity and no one will know it’s him.

At publishing time, a psychotic man dressed as a clown robbed a bank and killed several people before being taken out by a masked vigilante who reportedly tracked him via Starlink.


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