NEW YORK, NY — Struggling to determine the definition of a woman, the Women’s National Basketball Association decided to bring in a revered Supreme Court Justice to help settle the question.

The crisis over defining the word “woman” began after two former NBA players declared themselves women and entered the 2027 draft, testing the league’s long-celebrated commitment to inclusion. The WNBA bylaws state that only women can play in the league, but the rules never explicitly define what a woman is. To help bring clarity to the situation, the WNBA turned to a legal expert.

“We can’t figure it out, but luckily for us, we were able to secure the help of a Supreme Court Justice,” said WNBA President Cathy Englebert. “Justice Jackson, welcome to this task force. I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are so thankful you are here to save the day. So, what is a ‘woman’?”

“Can I provide a definition? No, no I cannot,” said Justice Jackson. “At least not in this context. I am not a biologist.”

“Wait, what?” replied Englebert. “Okay, maybe not an actual definition, but certainly with your extensive legal knowledge, you must know some kind of working legal definition or precedent that can help define the word ‘woman’. You are on the Supreme Court, after all.”

“Can I provide a working legal definition? Uh, no, no I can not,” replied Justice Jackson. “The law is very complicated, and only experts can decipher it by listening to arguments, not just from the head but also from the heart. What does your heart say? What does a player’s heart say? When we learn to ‘zim’ to the Constitution’s ‘zum’, then we, as an fair and equitable society, will know what a woman is. Thank you.”

At publishing time, the WNBA had formed another task force to determine what Justice Jackson had meant and also to determine whether the previous task force had been inclusive enough.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.