From The Comedy Store
President Obama flew to Afghanistan to address U.S. troops. This wasn’t a stunt. The president had to go to Afghanistan because unless he’s in a country where the women are covered from head to toe, the Secret Service loses interest in him and wanders off.
President Obama flew to Afghanistan to address U.S. troops. This wasn’t a stunt. The president had to go to Afghanistan because unless he’s in a country where the women are covered from head to toe, the Secret Service loses interest in him and wanders off.
President Obama admitted to a biographer that he made up a girlfriend in his autobiography, Dreams of My Father. He was untruthful. It’s nothing that’ll get him impeached but he’s just been suspended for five years from the Oprah Winfrey Book Club.
GOP presidential candidate Dr. Ron Paul announced plans to try to get rid of the TSA security agents at airports nationwide. The TSA was shocked. They thought that a gynecologist would refrain from criticizing others in the breast examining profession.
BP reached a U.S. court-approved settlement with all the claims from the Gulf oil spill accident. They’ll pay eight billion dollars on top of what they already paid in clean-up costs and damages. The Obama Doctrine states that if you make a mistake we can loot you.
NBC News showed a photo of Barack Obama’s security team watching the bin Laden raid last year. They look riveted. Hillary Clinton has her hand over her mouth and her eyes wide open in disbelief, the same look she has when Bill comes home before midnight.
Hillary Clinton rescued a blind Chinese dissident in Beijing by arranging a U.S. college teaching fellowship for him. Last year her husband came home with two U.S. female hikers who had been held as hostages in North Korea. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it.
The Labor Department said eighty-eight million Americans aren’t in the labor force and have dropped out. The job market is just terrible. Parents only suffer from empty nest syndrome for four years before they are afflicted with basement overcrowding.
French voters elected Socialist Francois Hollande president. He wants to raise taxes on the rich, lower the retirement age and increase spending. The next day President Obama invited Hollande to the White House to find out how he won on a platform like that.
The Oprah Winfrey Network was reported to have lost three hundred thirty million dollars last year for its partner, Discovery Channel. The markets are watching closely. If advertisers bail out on Oprah, she could be the fourth dictator to fall in one year.
The CIA foiled al-Qaeda’s attempt to underwear-bomb a plane like the one in Detroit, only this time with non-metal explosives. It’s the next step up. This bomb was of much bigger concern than the bomb that targeted Detroit because this bomb targeted Cleveland.
The U.S. Senate passed a bill Tuesday keeping the Post Office running despite mounting losses. It’s losing twenty-five million dollars a day. The Senate added a statement to the bill saluting the Postal Service for being the most profitable arm of the U.S. government.
The Border Patrol said it will begin talking to repeat border crossers. It’s a psychological survey. We want to know if Mexicans who invade one country a hundred fifty times and come home are happier than Americans who invade a hundred fifty countries once and stay.
Senate Democrats introduced a bill to ban employers from demanding that job applicants give them the password to their Facebook page. Some things should be private. It’s real turnoff to bosses if your home page says you went to Yale and you forget to add Locksmith School.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton
