From The Comedy Store
President Obama said he needs a second term in order to re-write his health care reform law if the Supreme Court strikes it down. It’s only right. In America we’re taught that everyone deserves a second chance whose first chance was ruled unconstitutional.
Queen Elizabeth was cheered in London for her Diamond Jubilee. Sixty years ago she reigned over a quarter of the globe and now it’s down to an island. This explains why Queen Elizabeth’s portrait is on every share of Facebook stock issued since last week.
Queen Elizabeth enjoyed huge crowds at her Diamond Jubilee celebrations including two million Americans. The color is spectacular. Queen Elizabeth would be America’s queen today but British soldiers insisted on wearing red in the woods.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg asked the New York health department to ban the sale of sugary drinks over sixteen ounces. He’s serious. If the measure is passed the fine for selling an over-sized soft drink in New York City would be fifty dollars, the same as murder.
Michelle Obama applauded New York’s proposed ban on large sugary drinks. It’s got the city in turmoil. Last night the police let a guy go for having less than twenty-five grams of marijuana on him but arrested him for having more than sixteen ounces of Pepsi.
President Obama met with President Bush in the Oval Office. They really get along. Barack Obama uses the same desk George W. Bush used only on Bush’s desk there was a bust of Winston Churchill and on Obama’s desk there is a bust of Winston Cigarettes.
President Obama wants drone aircraft like the ones that kill terrorists to patrol in the U.S. What a great idea. If the drones protect us from terrorists as well as the TSA does, in just six months they’ll be firing missiles at knee replacements and diabetes medications.
Bill Clinton praised both Donald Trump and Mitt Romney in a CNN interview. He has to please both parties. When he speaks to businesses they pay him a hundred-thousand-dollar fee but when he speaks for Obama they shred fifteen pages of his FBI files.
President Obama said he needs a second term in order to re-write his health care reform law if the Supreme Court strikes it down. It’s only right. In America we’re taught that everyone deserves a second chance whose first chance was ruled unconstitutional.
Hillary Clinton accompanied scientists to the North Pole and Greenland to check out the vanishing ice shelf. The scientists weren’t just studying the glaciers. Climatologists are unable to explain how the ice shelf is breaking up and yet the Clintons remain together.
Interpol arrested the fugitive Canadian cannibal in a Berlin café and handed him to local authorities. The world’s most feared man-eater is being interrogated by the German police. Michael Vick went to prison for arranging match-ups just like this one.
New York governor Andrew Cuomo proposed legalizing pot. Supporters call for taxing pot like alcohol to raise much-needed tax revenues. Ten years from now anybody who stays sober will be accused by Democrats of not paying their fair share.
President Obama infuriated Democrats and union leaders by refusing to campaign in Wisconsin. His tweet didn’t help. Obama said that while the Spurs must be respected for their character and skill it’s hard not to love the Thunder’s youth and talent.
NASA astronomers reported the Earth will be destroyed in four billion years when the Milky Way collides with the Andromeda Galaxy. The Hubble Telescopes can see the crash coming. The Mayans just issued a new calendar with twelve more zeros on it.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton
