From The Comedy Store
Congress faces a new round of tense debt ceiling negotiations this summer when the Members return to Washington from recess. Democrats warn that if the debt ceiling is not raised, the U.S. government will cease to function. The question is, how would they tell?
A National Geographic poll said two-thirds of Americans think Barack Obama would handle a space invasion better than Mitt Romney. They’re serious. Mark this week as the date the National Examiner tabloid replaced the New York Times as the paper of record in America.
The TSA fired eight officers at Newark Airport for sleeping on the job. The agency pointed out that agents were recently fired for bribery and drug trafficking. The TSA is proud to dispel the myth that the staff is just a bunch of Peeping Toms and gropers.
Capitol Hill held its annual baseball game between Democratic and GOP lawmakers. It was really exciting. In the third inning, a player broke his leg sliding into third and the lawmakers took him to the Supreme Court and asked the justices what to do.
Penn State former coach Jerry Sandusky checked into prison to begin his life sentence for serial child sexual abuse. There’s hope for him. He could obtain an early release in five years to make room in prison for all the Americans who didn’t buy health insurance.
The Supreme Court upheld the U.S. government’s right to force you to buy health insurance. It’s a nice racket. You bet the insurance company you’re going to get sick, they bet you you’re going to stay well, then you pay them a fortune hoping they win the bet.
The Supreme Court kept intact the individual penalties written into the health care law. It teaches freeloaders a lesson. People who refuse to buy health insurance could go to prison for five years, where they’ll receive free health care and complimentary meals.
The Supreme Court ruling for ObamaCare also upheld the ten percent tax on all tanning booth sessions. So the ruling wasn’t all good news for Democrats. It’s now ten percent more expensive for Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren to look Cherokee.
President Obama’s campaign claimed that he’s the right leader to deal with hot summers. He may be right. The bad news is that the nation was under a heat dome, but the good news is we have plenty of shade under out fourteen trillion dollar debt ceiling.
President Obama aired a campaign TV ad in a dozen states in which he tells a crowd how he saved the U.S. economy. The ad campaign is called Believe. Ever since the White House Correspondents dinner he wants to get laughs every time he says something onstage.
Katie Holmes filed for divorce from Tom Cruise to prevent their six-year-old daughter from being sent to Scientology indoctrination camp. Hollywood mothers are particular about the religious schools their daughters attend. Katie wants her daughter to go with her friends to recycling camp at the Al Gore Institute.
The Social Security Administration revealed there are eight million Americans now receiving disability. There are also fifty million on food stamps. They wanted a source of income more stable than the checks they were getting for owning solar panel factories.
Mitt Romney called his health care mandate a tax while the White House called ObamaCare a penalty. The Supreme Court allowed it as a tax but not as a penalty. The only way they’re going to get people to pay it is to rename it a Bullet Train to Las Vegas.
Congress faces a new round of tense debt ceiling negotiations this summer when the Members return to Washington from recess. Democrats warn that if the debt ceiling is not raised, the U.S. government will cease to function. The question is, how would they tell?
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton
