From The Comedy Store
Denver University hosted a presidential debate Wednesday night that lasted ninety minutes. Afterwards President Obama got back to his Denver hotel room at precisely nine-forty-five Mountain Time. He knew it because Mitt Romney had just cleaned his clock.
Madonna told concert goers in D.C. how great it is to have a Black Muslim as president. The Obama campaign said nothing. This close to the election it’s the standard White House policy to ignore anything that a half-dressed woman says about the president.
The NFL reached a labor deal with the NFL referees’ union. The hapless replacement refs were getting everything wrong and affecting the outcomes. The NFL caved in Monday when the replacement refs ruled that Obama is ten points ahead in Ohio.
Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta confirmed the U.S. Embassy attack in Libya was pre-planned by al-Qaeda. It had nothing to do with an anti-Muslim video. President Obama changed his story and is now saying that the replacement refs did an excellent job.
Hillary Clinton admitted the attack on the U.S. embassy in Libya was done by al-Qaeda and not by mobs angry over an anti-Muslim video who happened to be heavily armed. It was preposterous that she’d have ever believed it. Hillary never acknowledges that a president has lied to her until the DNA tests come back and there’s no way to deny it.
New York City schools began giving birth control pills and morning-after pills to high school girls free of charge. Parents are at their wits’ end. The only way that New York can ban free birth control in public schools is to dissolve the pills in a sixteen-ounce soft drink.
The FBI arrested the Egyptian anti-Muslim filmmaker in Los Angeles for violating his parole on a fraudulent check conviction. He was led away in handcuffs with his face covered. The president wants to show the Muslim world that he’s tough on speech.
A USA Today poll says only one percent of Americans say crime is the nation’s most important problem. Eighteen years ago it was fifty-two percent. The number fell because the U.S. economy has gotten so bad that people no longer consider stealing a crime.
President Obama had practice debates in Las Vegas Monday prepping for Wednesday evening. He hasn’t faced tough questions in nearly four years. His press conferences are like worship services and every time a reporter expresses a doubt, the president ex-communicates him.
Denver University hosted a presidential debate Wednesday night that lasted ninety minutes. Afterwards President Obama got back to his Denver hotel room at precisely nine-forty-five Mountain Time. He knew it because Mitt Romney had just cleaned his clock.
The Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders designated Internet addiction as an official disease. They called it a debilitating psychological disorder. It’s a stroke of genius this close to the election for the Democrats to replace two years of unemployment benefits with permanent disability payments for the entire population.
Chinese hackers broke into the White House main computer Friday and the FBI was alerted to find out who the hackers are. There are no suspects. They don’t know of anyone who wants to find out the secrets of maintaining high unemployment and low approval ratings.
Jerry Brown signed a bill into law allowing hundreds of thousands of illegal aliens to get driver’s licenses in California. It’s still not an easy task. In order to get a California license you must be able to pass a written test, you must pass a driving test, and you must be able to text with one hand while shooting out the window with the other.
Harry Reid announced plans to try to legalize online poker nationally. The game is a valuable educational tool. Poker teaches children to keep a straight face and act confident when all you’re holding is your parents’ mortgage and the national debt.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton
