From The Comedy Store
President Obama spoke at a naturalization ceremony in Washington which included U.S. service members and civilians. It was emotional. The president got a huge round of applause and then everyone congratulated him on becoming an American citizen.
The U.S. Senate debated immigration reform as guest worker permits ran into furious union opposition. It could get ugly. The unions vowed to stage massive street protests but they lack the manpower so they may have to hire guest picketers from Mexico.
President Obama was forced out of his helicopter by high desert winds so he had to be driven from Jerusalem down to Bethlehem. It wasn’t his only travel option. The president could have just hopped on one of his drones and been there in four minutes.
Joe Biden’s travel bills revealed he stopped off in Paris and London on the way home from Rome. The hotel bills cost U.S. taxpayers five hundred thousand dollars in each city, but no one’s angry. Americans have always felt that a great comedian is worth every penny.
President Obama’s daughter enjoyed spring break in the Bahamas. Michelle’s just been to Aspen and Biden just did Rome, Paris and London. The sequester cuts don’t affect their travels because they bought time shares during the first year of the first term.
The Republican Party decided to shorten the length of the GOP presidential primary season. Good idea. They want to keep the party nominee fresh for the general election, which four of the last five GOP presidential candidates now celebrate as Passover.
President Obama spoke at a naturalization ceremony in Washington which included U.S. service members and civilians. It was emotional. The president got a huge round of applause and then everyone congratulated him on becoming an American citizen.
Senate Republicans were joined by seventeen Senate Democrats in a budget amendment that endorsed the Keystone oil pipeline. It’s an old math formula. The closer you are to your next election the less in favor you are of four-dollar-a-gallon gasoline.
House Members’ vocabularies were evalauated based on their speeches in Congress by U.S. educators last week and our congressmen were found to be speaking at the level of tenth graders. That’s only partially true. Actually, Members of Congress think at the level of fifth graders, but they pay their speechwriters to raise them up to the tenth-grade level.
Prince Harry accepted the New Jersey governor’s invitation to visit the Sandy Hook hurricane survivors when he comes to the U.S. in May. He always shows sensitivity to the victims of violence. Every summer Harry puts down his machine gun and parties naked in America.
The Supreme Court case on gay marriage saw protesters liken conservative justices to the KKK. Not true. The Klan is a bunch of guys in white robes who scare black people while the Supreme Court’s a bunch of people in black robes who scare white people.
Eurozone officials said seizing bank accounts like they did in Cyprus can be a model for other countries. It set off international alarms. President Obama just cancelled his summer vacation to Martha’s Vineyard to go to Cyprus for a continuing education seminar.
The Weekly Standard cited the Obamas for taking a vacation a month since the year started. They went to Hawaii in January, then he went to Florida while Michelle went to Aspen in February, now she’s back in Aspen and the daughters are in the Bahamas. It turns out they cancelled the White House tours so that no one would see that the house is empty.
Forbes said that Americans who make two hundred grand per year work six months a year for the government. It’s verifiable. President Obama makes four hundred grand a year and he is pretty much six months on the golf course and six months in the Bahamas.
© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton
