From The Comedy Store
The Surgeon General advised Americans who will sunbathe on Memorial Day to use sunscreen on the beach or at the pool. She said to stay covered. When the White House heard that the Surgeon General was an expert on covering up, they put her in charge of the IRS.
Mark Sanford was elected to Congress by South Carolina voters despite his adulterous affair with an Argentine lady. His election sent a message to Washington. Americans are plainly tired of terrorism coverups and are ready to go back to sex scandals.
The White House was shamed over the Benghazi attack and the next day the FBI admitted they told Boston cops nothing on Tamerlan Tsarnaev. It’s nuts. President Obama bragged he’s got al-Qaeda on the run but he failed to say they’re running toward us.
The U.S. Embassy in Tripoli was threatened by street protests over Western presence. The U.S. and Britain warned Libyan street militias to keep away. The White House described the situation as just an anti-Muslim video away from being our fault again.
President Obama reportedly ordered Hillary Clinton to clean up the Benghazi attack mess last fall. It was a direct order. The first day and second day, he didn’t see anything but on the third day the swelling was down and he was able to see a little out of his left eye.
The Surgeon General advised Americans who will sunbathe on Memorial Day to use sunscreen on the beach or at the pool. She said to stay covered. When the White House heard that the Surgeon General was an expert on covering up, they put her in charge of the IRS.
The White House released e-mails showing how their Benghazi story evolved during the attack. There were no surprises. The e-mails started as a CIA report about al-Qaeda attacks before they were edited into a gold miner’s analysis of Mitt Romney’s colonoscopy.
The White House issued new embassy personnel guidelines. They guarantee rescue. From now on, every U.S. embassy must include a gay basketball player, an illegal alien and a woman in need of free contraception, and the Marines will be there in minutes.
The IRS apologized for targeting Tea Party groups for extra scrutiny last year when they tried to raise money for their cause. It will make for an interesting trial. The tax collectors plan to read the Tea Party platform on the witness stand and plead self-defense.
Congress vowed to investigate the IRS after the agency apologized for targeting GOP conservative political groups and their big donors. The White House can’t escape by blaming this one on Bush. This is the big leagues, they’ve got to blame this one on Nixon.
President Obama was ripped after the IRS targeted the Tea Partiers while the Justice Department spied on AP reporters. When he vowed to unite America he didn’t want the right wing and left wing united against him. This leaves you with the middle of the bird.
President Obama ripped reporters questioning his administration’s handling of the Benghazi attack. It’s so simple. Benghazi was a protest against a video nobody saw that turned into an attack nobody acknowledged until it happened so long ago why bring it up?
Russia arrested an alleged U.S. spy dressed in a blonde wig in Moscow. Last year the U.S. swapped ten Russian spies arrested in the U.S. in return for four U.S. spies arrested in Russia. We can’t even effect a spy swap without running a forty percent deficit.
The White House fire alarm sounded last Saturday, prompting reporters to evacuate the West Wing as smoke filled up the offices. There’s a simple explanation for the accident. President Obama tried to put a hard drive through the shredder and it set the desk on fire.
© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton
