From The Comedy Store
Vladimir Putin wrote a New York Times opinion piece in which he scolded Americans for thinking the U.S. is an exceptional nation. It proves he knows nothing about this country. Americans don’t read anything longer than one hundred and forty characters.
Vladimir Putin was touted for a Nobel Peace Prize for arranging that Syria turn over its WMDs in return for the U.S. calling off its air strikes. It’s amazing. He would be the first Russian so honored since Josef Stalin won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1953 just for dying.
Vladimir Putin wrote a New York Times opinion piece in which he scolded Americans for thinking the U.S. is an exceptional nation. It proves he knows nothing about this country. Americans don’t read anything longer than one hundred and forty characters.
Russia seized on a White House gaffe to stop a U.S. bombing raid on Syria and rescue Syria’s regime from overthrow. Think of it as a chess game. Vladimir Putin moved his queen to the rook’s seventh square, prompting President Obama to shout Bingo.
President Obama met Russian gay rights activists in Russia and he vowed to champion their cause. He sees it as a matter of democracy. Obama said as long as he’s president that all Americans regardless of their sexual orientation will be spied on equally.
Commissioner Roger Goodell vowed to tighten player conduct rules after this year’s wave of player arrests. NFL teams agreed to offer fans a cash refund in exchange for the jersey of any NFL player convicted of a crime. Bankruptcy proceedings begin next week.
Planned Parenthood reported that California leads the nation in the number of unwanted unplanned pregnancies. It’s a statistical no-brainer. What do you expect when you have a state with both the most number of women and the most number of NBA teams?
New Hampshire cops arrested a man in Manchester who walked up to a bank teller and robbed the bank while wearing a President Obama mask. The guy made one error. He sent a man wearing a John Kerry mask into the bank ahead of time to warn them.
Michelle Obama’s school lunch program was dropped by some schools because kids weren’t eating it. They should try her husband’s diet. He stays thin. You have a big breakfast and a full dinner but nothing in between because Vladimir Putin eats your lunch.
Miss New York Nina Davulurli was crowned Miss America, becoming the first Asian Indian to win. Her interview had everyone riveted. She urged Americans to turn off their computers for five minutes, and then turn them back on, and see if that helps.
President Obama warned Congress he will not negotiate over the debt ceiling. The public mood is ugly. Twenty percent of Americans favor sending U.S. troops to Syria but eighty percent of Americans favor sending the U.S. Congress to Syria.
The London Mail says people in Ireland are being attacked on the streets by a clown who sprays them in the face with seltzer. Victims say the attacker has pale skin, a red nose and he carries a bottle. In Ireland that narrows down the list of suspects to everybody.
Stanford geneticists published a study showing that human intelligence is declining and the collective mind of mankind is on a downward trajectory. It’s grave news for everybody. This means we’re seeing Congress at its smartest and most effective right now.
President Obama’s approval ratings fell sharply in the latest polls. He has fallen ten points in three months. President Obama vowed to find out whose approval he has lost, track them down using their e-mail and phone records and then win them back.
© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton
