From The Comedy Store
Cincinnati Reds skipper Dusty Baker blamed his firing on President Obama’s low job approval. Neither did well with millionaires. Every time Dusty Baker asked his players to lay down a sacrifice they’d quote Ayn Rand right back at him and swing away.
Cincinnati Reds skipper Dusty Baker blamed his firing on President Obama’s low job approval. Neither did well with millionaires. Every time Dusty Baker asked his players to lay down a sacrifice they’d quote Ayn Rand right back at him and swing away.
The Economist reported that twenty-five million dollars in cash is being smuggled out of Pakistan every day. Only one percent of Pakistanis bother to pay any income taxes. The worst part is, America’s government is shut down while Pakistan’s is up and running.
President Obama met with Wall Street CEOs and warned them they should worry about a government shutdown. They are. Wall Street’s biggest concern is that the value of a politician will drop so low that ordinary citizens will be able to buy them too.
President Obama cancelled going to the Southeast Asia Economic Summit in Jakarta. He really had no choice. The president couldn’t be seen in Asia doing nothing to solve the government shutdown when he could be in Washington doing nothing to solve it.
President Obama ripped Republicans in a press conference that went on for seventy minutes. It cost Fox News a million dollars in lost ad revenue. President Obama was jubilant that for the second time in a week he’d raided two terrorist groups in one day.
Joe Biden canceled his speech at the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee fundraiser due to the shutdown. They had hoped to raise two million dollars. When they announced at the podium that Joe Biden couldn’t speak, they raised four million.
The U.S. government shutdown cancelled a Ku Klux Klan rally at Gettysburg National Battlefield Park. All parks were closed. The cancellation was bad news for the Ku Klux Klan, but it was really good news for the black and brown bears in the park.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said she plans to push passage of a bill granting a pathway to citizenship for illegal immigrants. She sounds a little out of touch. Illegal immigrants already have a pathway to citizenship, it’s called the San Diego Freeway.
The White House and the GOP House leadership gave hints that immigration reform could be taken up and passed this fall. They can’t get it done soon enough. It’s a known fact that illegal immigrants do the jobs Americans refuse to do, like run the U.S. government.
The White House hired Canadian firm CGI to run the glitch-ridden launch of ObamaCare. Leave it to Barack Obama to mark the two hundredth anniversary of Canada burning the White House by re-creating the event.
Peyton Manning ripped the Dallas Cowboys for four hundred passing yards and four TDs. Last autumn he bought seventeen Papa John’s pizza restaurants in Denver, two months before Colorado legalized pot. No one can read a defense like Peyton Manning.
Scarlett Johanssen was voted the Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire Magazine readers. The girl’s really got it. When Scarlett expressed interest in playing young Hillary Clinton in the upcoming film Rodham, Bill Clinton volunteered to play himself in the movie.
An IRS official told Congress she shared a conservative group’s tax information with the White House. Hold the phone. If the Republicans really want to get rid of ObamaCare they should endorse it as a conservative nonprofit and let the IRS take it down.
© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton
