From The Comedy Store
Barack Obama got his lowest job approval ratings ever in last week’s Gallup Poll. This week in Wilkes-Barre, somebody stole a life-sized statue of Barack Obama from a woman’s front porch. Local police say they’ve narrowed the list of suspects down to the U.S. Census Report.
Barack Obama got his lowest job approval ratings ever in last week’s Gallup Poll. This week in Wilkes-Barre, somebody stole a life-sized statue of Barack Obama from a woman’s front porch. Local police say they’ve narrowed the list of suspects down to the U.S. Census Report.
Forbes published a poll showing the Puritan Work Ethic is alive and well in America. The survey showed only twenty-five percent use all their paid vacation time. Seventy-five percent of Americans use just part of their paid vacation time and give the rest to President and Mrs. Obama.
Joe Biden was reported vacationing on Long Island with friends and donors. He took a lot of kidding about his recent admission that he likes to go swimming naked in his pool. If Joe Biden achieves his goal of being elected president, he’ll be known as the Commando-in-Chief.
Phil Simms said he won’t say Redskins in NFL telecasts and call them Washington. That’s really offensive to the team’s players. Washington is associated with a hapless president, a skinny-dipping vice president, a do-nothing Congress and a Speaker addicted to tanning lamps.
The State Department announced it’s giving Ukraine the money to build a border fence to keep the Russians out. How brilliant. It allows Obama to keep his campaign promise he’d build a border fence without it costing Democrats the Hispanic vote in November.
The White House said it’s closely monitoring the crisis on the Russian-Ukrainian border, the Israeli-Hamas war, the ISIS slaughter in Iraq and riots in Ferguson. Barack Obama rushed back to the White House from Martha’s Vineyard Sunday. He forgot his five-iron.
An ISIS warrior with a British accent beheaded a U.S. journalist on YouTube. Reaction was swift. Prime Minister David Cameron canceled his vacation and flew to London to track down the executioner’s identity and Obama asked the next three groups if he could play through.
The White House announced last week that the U.S. military was deploying four hundred U.S. military personnel in Iraq. The Obama administration insisted that the U.S. military is in Iraq only as advisors. Just yesterday, the Air Force dropped a hundred tons of advice on the Sunnis.
The Chicago Tribune reported seven shootings in one night Monday as street gangs shot it out over South Side drug territory. The city is seething. To make matters worse, the next night the Chicago Cubs accepted the Ice Bucket Challenge, and the Ice Bucket won by eight runs.
Ferguson cops said looters are coming from New York and Florida to add to the mayhem. They could use some tips from experienced looters in L.A. You know you’re doing it wrong when half the stuff you steal can be downloaded off the Internet for pennies on the dollar.
Obama sent Attorney General Eric Holder to Ferguson to monitor U.S. efforts to calm the situation. There is no doubt of the president’s interest in this case. Just yesterday, Obama ordered all eighteen flags at the Vineyard Golf Club to be flown at half-staff.
The U.N. announced preparations for the opening of the General Assembly in September. The human spirit can be a beautiful thing. On the first night of the street riots in St. Louis, the local news showed a black guy, a white guy, and a Hispanic guy, and they were carrying a TV set together.
New Jersey police arrested thirteen members of a street gang whom they caught making counterfeit one-hundred dollar bills on Thursday. These bills wouldn’t have fooled anybody outside their own neighborhood. For starters, Ben Franklin has his baseball cap on backwards.
© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton
