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October 11, 2014

From The Comedy Store

The Dallas Morning News reported Ebola patient Tom Duncan lied on his questionnaire at Liberia’s airport. He denied having Ebola symptoms so he could fly to the U.S. Word of this reached Obama in Chicago where he immediately demanded stronger questionnaires.

The Dallas Morning News reported Ebola patient Tom Duncan lied on his questionnaire at Liberia’s airport. He denied having Ebola symptoms so he could fly to the U.S. Word of this reached Obama in Chicago where he immediately demanded stronger questionnaires.

Homeland Security said airport screenings for Ebola will begin at five major U.S. airports up and down the East Coast. That’s a great comfort to all of us. The TSA just announced that flyers can’t carry more than three-to-four ounces of Ebola and it must be in a clear, zip-top bag.

Jimmy Carter criticized Obama, saying he waited too long to go after ISIS. This after the same criticism was leveled by Leon Panetta and Hillary Clinton and Robert Gates. Now we know what Obama meant Tuesday when he said the contagion is spreading.

Secret Service chief Julia Pierson apologized to Congress for security breaches. The next day, she submitted her resignation. Actually she leaped over the White House fence and ran across the North Lawn, then dove through an Oval Office window and handed it to the president.

Jimmy Carter celebrated his ninetieth birthday Thursday at home in Georgia. It brought to mind the House budget negotiations. During the last century there have been seventeen U.S. government shutdowns, the longest being the four years when Jimmy Carter was the president.

Nick Wallenda announced he will walk on a tightrope between two Chicago skyscrapers five hundred feet in the air blindfolded next month. The buildings are two blocks apart. It sounds crazy, but it’s actually safer than walking the same two blocks on the streets of Chicago.

The FBI arrested a nineteen year-old Muslim American kid at O'Hare Airport in Chicago for trying to fly to Turkey and fight for ISIS . He’s fearless. To fight for Islam he was willing to risk strafing, car bombs and machine gun fire, and that was just on the way to O'Hare Airport.

ISIS troops advanced to the Turkish border after besieging a Kurdish city in a week-long siege. Then to the east, an ISIS army has advanced to within a mile of Baghdad. At the rate we’ve got Al-Qaeda on the run, it’s a race to see if they get to Berlin or New Delhi first.

The Los Angeles Dodgers played the St. Louis Cardinals in the National League Divisional Series. It’s a clash of two storied franchises and cultures. Busch Stadium sells U.S. flag lapel pins at its concession stands while Dodger Stadium sells foam fingers that flash Mexican gang signs.

House Democrats accused the Secret Service of ignoring Obama’s safety Friday. You have to feel for Secret Service agents. They’re torn between their sworn duty to protect the president and every government worker’s belief that we can always use another federal holiday.

CDC Director Tom Frieden spoke to reporters in a live press conference Sunday and said the Ebola situation is fluid. He actually said that. That’s the funniest thing a public official’s said since George W. Bush looked at the Haiti earthquake damage and said that he was deeply moved, or the time Obama saw the Joplin tornado damage and said he was blown away.

New York’s North Tonawanda School Board dropped Michelle Obama’s school lunch menu after parents revolted. The protests are sweeping the country. We’ve had a lot of failed presidents in two hundred-forty years, but this could be the first time we had a failed first lady.

Former CIA Director and Defense Secretary Leon Panetta criticized his ex-boss Obama’s Mideast policy saying it looks like Obama’s lost his way. It’s true. Late last night, Obama had to ask a White House intruder for directions to the Situation Room.

© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton

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