Joe Biden campaigned in Florida for Democratic candidate for governor Charlie Crist. The Democrats are running on the environment. Joe has a climate change plan. He says we can lower the earth’s temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius.

John Kerry declared in Boston that life on earth as we know it will end if we don’t do all we can to halt climate change. He said that climate change is a bigger threat than terrorism. Unless the terrorist is on your airplane, then that extra half-degree doesn’t bother you so much.

Homeland Security announced new airport measures to try to halt Ebola from entering the U.S. The TSA will begin screening for Ebola at five major airports on the Eastern Seaboard. That’s great – our last line of defense against a global pandemic is the fellow who stole your iPad.

CDC Director Tom Frieden urged all hospitals to provide the right protection to staffers against the spread of Ebola. Not all regions are alarmed. The disease still isn’t an issue in Los Angeles, where the panic to stop Ebola is nowhere near as hysterical as the panic to stop aging.

Gwyneth Paltrow hosted Barack Obama for a fundraiser in Brentwood. They charged a thousand to get in but thirty-two thousand to meet the president. That sounds unusually high, especially when you can jump over the White House fence and meet him for free.

The ABC News poll on Wednesday showed the Republicans will likely take the U.S. Senate in the November mid-terms. The gloves are off. To give you an idea how bitter the political partisanship is, Obama just named Donald Trump the next U.S. Ambassador to Liberia.

The FBI called for the public’s help in identifying the masked spokesman for the Islamic State who is believed to be an American. He goes on YouTube and defends jihad against non-Muslims. FBI voice experts say it sounds like he’s from the Midwest, so that rules out Ben Affleck.

The Pentagon spokesman let slip the code name of the campaign against ISIS – Operation Inherent Resolve. We’re going to teach these savages a lesson. They code-named it Operaton Inherent Resolve because Operation Little Big Horn is copyrighted by the Custer heirs.

Princeton University’s Manjul Barghava won the Fields medal, an equivalent of the Nobel Prize for Mathematics. He was awarded for his work with infinite numbers. Using a formula that filled up six blackboards, he demonstrated how long it will take him to pay off his student loans.

The Nobel Prize for Economics went to French economist Dr. Jean Tirole. His masterful works demonstrate how smart government policies can spur business competition, discourage monopolies and stimulate free market growth. Obama finished last.

Obama was reported planning to empty Gitmo by executive order after the fall elections without congressional approval. It’s a relatively simple process to empty the facility of all the terrorist detainees. All he has to do is assign the Secret Service to guard the prison.

Australia’s PM Tony Abbott threatened to flatten Vladimir Putin with an Aussie football shoulder charge at the Group of Twenty summit. He’s furious over the Malaysian airliner shootdown by a Russian-made missile in July. The Russians still insist that the airliner fired first.

Hillary Clinton commanded a two hundred and twenty-five thousand dollar speaking fee in Las Vegas when she showed up to address the University of Nevada at Las Vegas Foundation Dinner. You can’t make it up. Her topic was the importance of free speech.

© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton