From The Comedy Store
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs ripped liberal Democrats who compare Barack Obama to George W. Bush. He said they should be drug-tested. You know how Democrats are, the first thing they want to know is whether you brought enough for everybody.
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs ripped liberal Democrats who compare Barack Obama to George W. Bush. He said they should be drug-tested. You know how Democrats are, the first thing they want to know is whether you brought enough for everybody.
Osama bin Laden’s cook and driver and bodyguard Ibrahim al- Qosi was sentenced in Guantanamo to fourteen years in prison. He was insubordinate. For five years in the late Nineties he kept Osama bin Laden alive, and that was the CIA’s job.
The Weather Channel aired video of a spectacular thunderstorm in Washington D.C. with six hundred lightning strikes. Power transformers exploded on telephone poles all over town. Apparently the deficit finally hit the number that won us a free game.
Mexicana Air Lines filed for bankruptcy last week, seeking one hundred and fifty million dollars to survive. The airline flies people from Mexico to Phoenix and Los Angeles and San Antonio, but it’s losing money. They just can’t comepete with feet.
President Obama interrupted his vacation to fly to Los Angeles for a fundraiser on Monday. His visit shut down freeways and closed the L.A. airport on a Monday morning. He knows that Californians won’t do anything to an alien no matter how annoying they are.
President Obama met with his National Security Council and ordered the withdrawal of all U.S. combat troops from Iraq. After seven years of U.S. occupation the country is mired in ethnic strife and torn by chaos, panic and disorder. Our work is done.
The White House said that President Obama may hold face-to-face talks with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. It’s a last-ditch effort. The president’s realized the only way he can restore his popularity is to fly to Iran and be taken hostage.
President Obama retreated from his support for a Ground Zero mosque and insisted he was commenting on its legality and not its propriety. Think of it as cleaner energy. The breeze from President Obama’s U-turn is powering windmills on the White House lawn.
The U.S. Postal Service reported a three-billion-dollar loss last quarter. Their figures show they lost a billion a month. The post office is always bragging it’s the most profitable branch of government, and now they have the numbers to back it up.
Illinois former governor Rod Blagojevich was found guilty by a Chicago jury of one of the twenty-four federal counts against him, that of lying to the FBI. He had no choice. If he hadn’t done that they would have found him guilty of everything else.
Nancy Pelosi called for an investigation into who’s funding the opposition to that Ground Zero mosque. How much money would it take to pay all the people who are mad about the mosque? The only way there’d be enough money would be if it were BP’s fault.
The White House eased travel to Cuba to permit U.S. students to travel there. It could backfire. People who come back are going to demand the repeal of health care reform after they find that it means everyone has to drive fifty-year-old Chevys.
President Obama said he has no regrets about endorsing a mosque near Ground Zero. He said this just before he spent the week campaigning for Democrats who are in big trouble. They weren’t in trouble until he started campaigning for them.
© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].
