From The Comedy Store
Chicago was rocked by hurricane-force winds Tuesday which meteorologists called a freak monsoon. Ballots flew through the air in downtown Chicago. No one’s sure how far the wind carried the ballots but half of them were pre-checked for Harry Reid.
The White House won its case seeking to delay allowing gays to serve in the U.S. military. They’re busy re-writing the rules of engagement in Afghanistan. Anyone pointing a gun at a Muslim on the battlefield could be fired by National Public Radio.
The Chamber of Commerce ridiculed the White House claim that it funnels foreign money to GOP candidates. The president made a point he didn’t intend to make. We can’t allow foreign money to steal our democracy, we need it to fund our debt.
The Mexican army burned a hundred and five tons of marijuana seized in Tijuana. It caused a spectacular blaze. The smoke drifted into the hills above Tijuana and the next day coyotes were chasing ice cream trucks down Revolution Avenue.
Paris rioted after France’s government raised the retirement age from sixty to sixty-two. It’s a public safety issue. The French drink wine from the time they are toddlers and by the time they’re sixty they’re in no shape to operate heavy machinery.
The Justice Department stopped deporting arrested illegal aliens, angering federal agents. Orders came from the top. The president said he wants to create better understanding with Mexico and if he can’t do that, he wants to create Greater Mexico.
GOP House Minority Leader John Boehner predicted that the GOP will take back Congress and deal with the bad economy. Someone needs to fix the thing. In the last two years fifty million Americans have had to switch brokers, from stock to pawn.
Al Gore arrived in California Monday to campaign against a ballot measure that reduces spending on the environment. The issue is receding, to his dismay. Al Gore is so unpopular in Florida this year that Republicans won’t even need to use the crooked voting machines.
NPR head Vivian Schiller apologized for the way she fired NPR’s longtime news analyst Juan Williams. He’s been an avowed Progressive until now. Fox News just gave him a two million dollar contract and suddenly he sees the wisdom of Republican tax policy.
President Obama said the U.S. was born when thirteen colonies threw off the yoke of an empire. It turned out so well that Obama has a thirty-seven percent approval rating in the U.S. while Queen Elizabeth is at eighty percent. The Iraq War turned out better.
Chicago was rocked by hurricane-force winds Tuesday which meteorologists called a freak monsoon. Ballots flew through the air in downtown Chicago. No one’s sure how far the wind carried the ballots but half of them were pre-checked for Harry Reid.
Florida Democratic Senate candidate Alex Sink was caught cheating during her debate Monday by receiving a debate tip via text message. It happened too late to affect the race. If John Edwards had been caught cheating a year earlier he’d be president today.
President Obama listed his accomplishments in office on Urban Radio Tuesday. No one gives him enough credit. Barack Obama took something that was in terrible shape and brought it back from the brink of disaster, and that something was the Republican Party.
President Obama urged Democrats to knock on doors on Election Day to help get out the vote. There’s an art to getting out the vote this year. You have to knock authoritatively on the front door while assuring the Rottweiler that you’re not from the bank.
© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].
